Saturday, March 04, 2006

Palps: Judgment Day

…I’m standing in a room, surrounded by boxes and boxes of Oreo’s. There is a large table in the middle with one chair. I sit down and begin to eat them.


Suddenly I realize! NO MILK!


Then I hear a voice in the distance…

“Chancellor? Chancellor? Itsen time for yousa to be waken up.”

“Huh?” I reply, waking up with a start.

“Itsen time for you to be judgen the challenge, okeyday?”

“Oh, uh, yes, yes. Sorry, I was just resting my eyes.”

“Yousen okeyday, Chancellor?”

“Yes, fine.”

I rise and walk into the art room to judge the final entries.

First up: Jon, The Intergalactic Gladiator.


Next: Oneida

Hmmm…also interesting. I like the use of Speedo and Oreo as a central theme.

“Question for you, my dear…How is it that you are named after flatware?” I inquire.

“Pardon?” she replies with a quizzical look on her face.

“Never mind.”

Next: Master Yoda

A fine use of porcelain to compliment the clay.

Sniff, Sniff. What is that smell?

“A present I left in the bowl.” he says. “Artistic accuracy and sophistication was my goal. Impressed are you?”


I move to the next entry.

Next up: Starbucker

“I call this one ‘TnA’ sir.” He pipes in.

“Yes, well I call it ‘hideous’.” I reply.

“Well…it’s…uh…art, you know. I was really going for a … hey look, Sniffy's wagging her tail again! Ha ha ha! Good doggy!”

Moving on.

Next: Cpt. Typho

“Interesting. And what exactly happened to the 2nd one from the left?”

“Uh…I slipped.”


Last (and almost certainly the shortest): J.J.

“Food. What an interesting choice of source material. What is it supposed to be?” I inquire.

“It’s supposed to look like you, sir.” He replies.

“Really? I don’t see the resemblance.”

“So, Yousa seen all thesa entries. Whosa is the winner?” Jar Jar asks.

“Well, first off I would like to commend all of the contestants for their complete and utter lack of artistic skill.”

A collective gasp…

“Awww. Now I won’t get to go to Toshi station to pick up some power convertors,” Fluke mutters.

Onieda looks at him, “what are you talking about?”

“Oh…nothing.” He replies with a sheepish grin.

I continue.

“Considering all of your efforts, I must say that you are all ‘losers’ in my eyes. Having said that, if I must pick someone as a ‘Winner’…”

“…Lt Commander Onieda.”

Applause fills the room!


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Applesauce fills the room? What sort of devious trap did you --- oh.

Uh, congrats, Ranae.

8:31 AM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Yay! clapping

8:46 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:00 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

But Jon's kiln went to 11!! 11 I tell you!! oh the humanity

9:01 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

*looks around behind her and around her* Who, me?? Wow! Thanks :)

And Chancellor, you are the first person to ask that/ notice that ;)

9:32 AM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Oh, I thought you were named after the Oneida nation. Not spoons. ;)

10:40 AM  
Blogger flu said...

JRO - Bravo!

10:52 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

And you would be correct, Dante. The Oneida were a tribe who had a town in upstate New York named for them, then a flatwear company opened up shop there.

But why my family has a name from some planet I've never seen on a star chart is beyond me :)

11:22 AM  

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