Thursday, March 02, 2006

Jon: ah yes, art is good

The other contestants were frantically working on sculptures while I stood there and admired my paintings. Yep, I did a really good job. Well, OK maybe the Yoda one wasn't that great, but all the others came out really well.

Fluke leaned in for a moment and asked "Are those going to be your final entry?"

"Sure," I answered. "Why?"

"Well, didn't you hear what Jar Jar actually said the challenge was?"

"Of course I did," I replied. "He said to make art."

"Yeah but he said to make a sculpture," Fluke asserted.

"What? When did he say that?"

"He said it when he gave us the challenge, Jon." Fluke looked at me like I was some kind of goobersmoocher. Note to self - remember to ask Fluke what a goobersmoocher is.

"It's true," said Ranaé as she walked up to us. "I didn't want to tell you because, well, you know I wanted to win, but Jar Jar told us to make a sculpture."

"A sculpture!" I cried. Oh man, I don't have much time!

"A sculpture," Fluke repeated. "Even I understood the instructions and I have a short atten-- hey look! Sniffy's wagging her tail! Ha ha ha! Good doggy!"

"But all I heard was 'art,'" I protested. "I swear, I can barely understand what he's saying half the time. What am I supposed to do?"

Yoda looked up from his work. "Talk very oddly Jar Jar does, yes," he stated. "Know what the matter is with that boy I do not."

"Hey, don't look at me," Ranaé held up her hands. "I'm not your Universal Translator."

"There's a little bit of clay over there," Fluke pointed to a small pile. "Throw clay, Intergalactic Gladiator! Throw clay like the wind!"

OK, I can do this. I've been in tougher spots. Quickly I grabbed the clay and started to shape it. I have to tell you, clay is not my first choice. It's not even my second choice or my third choice, either. I can do this, though.

I threw the clay around, beat it and molded into shape. I then quickly glazed it and threw it in the kiln. Time was running out, so I cranked the kiln's dial up to 11.

What the heck does a kiln need a Magnetic Field Component indicator for?

I could swear that I heard popping, whistling and hissing as the moisture was superheated out of the clay. Quickly, I pulled my piece out and set it on the table for display.

"What is that supposed to be?" JawaJuice looked with his mouth agape (at least I assume it was agape, I really wasn't sure).

"Well, it's art," I answered. "It's subjective."

Captain Typho came up and looked at it. "Man, I wish that you hadn't subjected me to it."


Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

LOL! I figured you were just waiting to show us all up with paintings and sculpture.

And that's, well, hmmm *puts her finger to her mouth and ponders it* Hmmmmm *walks around and ponders it some more* That's definitely something, alrightyroo.

6:38 PM  
Blogger flu said...

Main Entry: goo-ber-smoo-cher
Pronunciation: 'gü-b&r-'smüch-&r
Function: noun
Etymology: of Bantu origin; akin to Kimbundu [ng]
1. One who smooches goobers.

6:58 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Wow Jon. That is great! I have never seen anything like it before. It is the best in the whole universe.

Becasue I have never seen a Kiln that goes up to 11. The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board. Eleven, eleven, eleven. And mostly, the kilns only go up to ten. That means it's hotter. It's one hotter, isn't it?

7:20 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?

Eleven, exactly, one hotter.

7:24 PM  
Blogger flu said...

Hey, uh... Jon?

What shape did you mold it into before you put it in the kiln and cranked it up to 11?

8:21 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Couldn't you just make 10 hotter?

10:18 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

(long pause)

This goes to eleven.

3:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dont worry Jon I heard art to and not just sculpture

is that .... naw it could be.... you would never sculpture that... but it does looklike

6:50 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Wow! That sculpture transcends the deep quagmire that permeates the seedy underbelly of today’s society who tries in vain to waft above its stagnant station in life to affiliate with the harlequin proprietors of murderous procurers of today’s shattered ideals.

…or it could just be that someone just dropped a big steaming pile.

7:55 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

A little from Column A, JJ, and a little from Column B.

1:35 PM  

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