Saturday, March 04, 2006

J.J.: The Waiting (is not always the hardest thing...)

The place:
late at night in the Big Brother: Naboo house.
The scene:
The remaining six contestants sit in their heavily monitored living room drinking margaritas and snacking on chips and guacamole.
The mood: Rife with a mixture of anxiety and boredom as they anticipate who will be voted off next.

Yoda: Sucks this does.

Jon: I know what you mean, Yoda. This waiting to find out who goes home is agonizing.

Yoda: No. Sucks, this margarita does. Too much salt, it has. Not enough tequila. Made this batch, who did?

Everyone but Fluke: Fluke.

Yoda: hmmmm. Very disappointing. In your drinks, must learn balance, if you wish to become jedi order wannabe.

Fluke: Can you teach me, Master Yoda?

Yoda: No. Too late. Too late in the night to begin the training. Yes. Have someone else, the next batch make.

Typho: I’ll get it.

Yoda: Yes. Make good margaritas, Tight-Foe does.

Oneida: I wonder who will be voted off now?

Jon: Well, at least you know it won’t be you.

Oneida: But I don’t want it to be any of you either.

Oneida lets her eyes linger on Typho, adding meaning to her statement.

J.J. staggers up to the table to grab a fist full of chips with one hand while sloshing his drink in the other. He carefully aims for the bowl of guacamole before jamming the chips in the green goop.

J.J.: I don’t want annny of yooz guys to leave….either. Yooove all been….(hic) so good to me. You….you’re like my….family.

Fluke: um…how many of those margaritas did you have, little buddy?

J.J. stops and ponders the question, swaying on his feet.

J.J.: Uh…I think gazebos!

Fluke: That’s what I thought.

Typho: Here’s the next batch.

J.J.: Ooooo. Gimmeee…

Jon: Um. Haven’t you had enough there?

J.J.: What else do wez gotsta dooo besides wait till the votes are counted? I’m bored.

Yoda: A good point, he has.

Typho: We’re just looking out for you there, J.J.

J.J. looks at his housemates, his eyes get all big and doe-like.

J.J.: That’s….thaz just…beautiful, man. I ….I just want toooz say…toooo all a youz…that I love you guys. You…You’re just…just…. …

J.J. teeters and falls face first in the guacamole.

Jon: Well there goes that snack. Anyone know if we have any salsa left?

Oneida and Fluke carefully lift J.J.s head out of the bowl and let him drop on the couch; his face and robe spattered with guacamole.

J.J.: ZZzzzzzzzzzz….smack…smack….zzzzzzzzz

Fluke: Should we put a blanket around him?

Jon: Looks like he just got back from some fancy salon with all that green goop on his face.

Typho: So….what do we do now?

A few moments of slightly inebriated silence follows as all eyes shift towards the slumbering jawa.

Oneida: I’ll get the curlers and the nail polish.

Fluke: Ooo! yeah! I get some ribbons!

Jon: ehhh, I don’t know. That’s kinda mea-

Yoda: Yes. And fishnet stockings you must put on him.

Oneida: One moment, I think Padmé left some clothes. I’ll go get them.

Within moments, she comes back with some clothes and a makeup kit.

Oneida: I wish Padmé were still here. She’s so good at coordinating color and all.

Fluke: What color for the nails?

Jon: Pink.

Oneida: I think J.J. looks good in pink.

Yoda: The pink heels, do not forget. Show off his painted toenails, they do.

Oneida: Got a pair right here.

Fluke: And a big ol pink bow.

Typho: I think he needs some make up. Who wants to do that?

Oneida: I got it. Hmmmm… there we go.

Jon: Did you have to put so much on?

Oneida: Well, he’s got major five o’clock shadow. At least I think it’s five o’clock shadow.

Fluke: hmmmm….somethings still missing…oh, I know…a purse!

Oneida: Awwww…J.J. is so cute.

Jon: Adorable.

Typho: sweet.

Yoda: Darling.

Fluke: Beautimus!

Oneida: Hm…Let me see if I can fix his lipstick.

Typho: No wait!!! Don’t touch his cigar! He’ll wake up!!

J.J.: ZZZZzzz Snork!! Smack! Heh??? Wha-?

Everyone steps back, whistles innocently, nonchalantly looking at the ceiling

J.J. yawns and stretches. He suddenly notes the other people shuffling their feel, trying desperately not to look in his direction.

J.J.: Why are you guys standing around like that? Whatcha been up to?

Nervous whistling gets louder.

J.J.: What…What’s going on?

Fluke and Jon try desperately to hide their smiles. Typho pretends to cough, covering up laughter.

J.J.: What’s with you guys?

Unable to control themselves any longer, the others burst out in fits of laughter.

J.J.: I don’t get it.

(With special thanks to Vampirella, Barriss and Oneida for the plot assist.)


Blogger flu said...

JJ, I must say - you've been working out. I don't remember your thighs being so... thunderous!

In other news... another first for me here on BB:N - I've never been accused of mixing the drinks too weak!

10:57 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

maybe it was just too much salt?

10:58 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Awwwww, you look so cute!

11:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol perfect I tell you perfect JJ should dress like that more often

(you forgot to storm out not forgetting the purse :P)

11:09 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I can't believe that you're accusing me of conspiring to dress you up like a, hee hee hee.

Nggg, bwa ha ha ha!

Oh you look so cute.

mmm heh heh...

11:31 AM  
Blogger Barriss Offee said...

jawajuice, Oh I so sorry we did that to you in the c-box last night but this post was worth it.

jawajuice, do you still want that Endor Beer? I still have about half a case left.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

{sigh.} I really hate to miss such a good party. :-(

5:29 PM  
Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said...

*files the photo under 'Counter Blackmail Pics'*
There, now, JJ, if you attempt to say anything about my pink bathrobe, we can admire how the wonderful shade of lipstick matches your shoes, my friend.

10:06 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

crossdressing Jawas. Sound like Fluke's early kissing partners

12:28 AM  
Blogger flu said...

AOC, are you takin smack about my sistah?!?

11:17 AM  
Blogger flu said...

er... did I say that out loud?

11:17 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home