Thursday, February 23, 2006

Typho: Night of the Living Gungans

When the pirates started attacking I wouldn’t say I was stunned, but...

Okay, maybe I was stunned.

I mean, this can’t be real, right?

There must be drugs, or hypnotism involved, or-- was that a dagger that just whizzed by my head?

I grabbed Jar Jar as he tried to flee.

“Let mesa go!” he screamed. “Cutlasses are bad for mesa skin!”

“Not so fast,” I said. “We need weapons. Are there any stashed anywhere? Do the cameramen have any? What about those reinforcements you mentioned!”

“What yousa thinkin’? Thersa nothing yousa can use except...”

“WHAT?” I said impatiently as a buccaneer tried to kick me with his pegleg.

“This house issen built on sacred Gungan ground. Wesa can conjure ancient Gungan warriors. Make that YOUSA can. Mesa outta here!”

He tossed me a flask with a potion in it and scampered away. I held the flask and debated how -- and if -- to use it. I had a bad experience with one of his potions before, but as I saw the chaos erupting around me, I decided I had nothing to lose.

I sprinkled the green toxic-looking liquid on the floor and held my breath. At first nothing happened, then tiny furrows appeared in the ground. What looked like vines sprouted from the cracks in the earth and took the shape of the most hideous Gungans you ever saw. No offense -- they were undead after all.

They stared at me and for one sobering second I was sure they were going to rise up and attack me. Then I realized that they were awaiting orders.

“TO THE SHIPS!” I said. I led the charge into the water and we took over the rowboats of the pirates trying to make their way to the shore. In minutes I was on one of the ships joining Jon and JJ. In desperation the pirates tried to fire their cargo of bootleg DVDs at us, but they only succeeded in starting a fire.

Between the pounding laid on the ships by the Danger Sled and JJ’s killing frenzy (what in the world got into him?), the pirates were doomed. I took the liberty to grab a bottle of rum. What the hell? They had some good stuff.

Seeing Jardena in an altercation on another ship, I grabbed a rope, swung over to her ship and landed by her side (I always wanted to do something cool like that).

I admired her “pirate lass” attire. “Nice,” I said, taking out a handkerchief to wipe off the ink stains on her face. “I promise not to laugh,” I said with a grin.

Meanwhile, the Gungan undead continued mauling the pirates...

11 Comments:

Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Thanks, my hero *gives him a kiss*

And did you get all of the ink off?

So what happens when all the pirates are dead/gone, do we tell the undead gungans to go talk to Jar Jar?

9:38 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Are undead gungans as bad smeeling as live one, cuz them live ones smell like Bantha Poo-Doo left in a puddle on stale water

9:54 PM  
Blogger Camera Guy said...

Why would we have weapons, we only see everthing after all.

10:37 PM  
Blogger Camera Guy said...

Read the crew's adventures here

11:17 PM  
Blogger Vampirella said...

nicely done Typhoid

2:14 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Ewww. Undead people? Like, what's up with that?

4:05 AM  
Blogger Jabafatboy said...

Better make sure that is indeed onieda. it could be a pirate in drag.

Wouldnt wann kiss the wrrong thing there

5:26 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

She should've kissed you and said "for luck!" That would've been so romantic.

5:47 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Oh great. Now my room's gonna smell like stale undead for weeks. Do you know how hard it is to get the smell of undead out of your sheets? It ain't easy.
I should know. I was married to an Ithorian once.

8:00 AM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

JJ, I am glad to say I have no idea what the smell of the undead on one's sheets must be like.

Whew!

Jardena, I'm sure Jar Jar has another potion to send the zombies back to their graves...

I think.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

*shrugs* eh, it's not my room ;) Anyways, a little bit of bleach and seabreeze should take care of it.

10:38 AM  

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