Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Starbucker: I hope Jar Jar doesn't want these hidden items back

The camera follows Fluke as he paces back and forth in the Spidey room. The microphone picks up an occasional faint mumble...

FLUKE: "nah... what abo-?... nah. Geesh! Ew! I could... nah - That wouldn't work. Hm... maybe I could try... *tsk* Nah that wouldn't work. *snap* I got it!"

Fluke exits the room... camera close behind. As he walks down the hall, he peers into each room... When he gets to Yoda and Greivous' room, he stops, and leans in... looking around. He enters, snags something from the floor, tucks it into his tunic and hurries out.

FLUKE: "OW! Cut it out!"

He heads to... the kitchen... to the microwave... he opens it... and becomes aware the camera is on him.

FLUKE: "Hey, can you guys like, uh... go see what's happening in the girl's room? or something?"

DAVE: "Oh, we'd love to... but we can't. You're our assignment today... and you're not supposed to talk directly to us."

FLUKE: "Oh," The FotNJOw looks down and around, then all of a sudden points out the window and hollers, "WHat's that wacky thingy out there?!?"

as the camera pans to the window, the distinct sound of the microwave door opening and being slammed quickly is heard off camera. The camera comes back to Fluke, who is now leaning against the counter, twiddling his thumbs.

... as Fluke looks around nonchalantly, whispers are heard between the cameramen....

JACK: (whispering) "Does he really think that'll work? Doesn't everyone here use that microwave almost all the time?"

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Fluke now begins to walk away from the camera... scratching his head as he goes...

DAVE: (whispering) "I don't know what he's thinking - I'm telling ya, this guy's really a freakin' idiot."

Fluke stops and turns to face the camera...

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FLUKE: "What did you just say?"

JACK: (whispering) "Uh, I think he's talking directly to us again."

FLUKE: "No, no - Not you - I'm talking to him," Fluke points to Dave "what did you just say?"

DAVE: "Ah, well, I..."

About that time, Jon steps in and opens the fridge. The kitten in the microwave meows. Jon looks over at the microwave, then to Fluke, who shrugs his shoulders. Jon opens the microwave.

JON: "Hey, look! Someone's cooking Greivous's cat! It sure is still raw... I hope I haven't spoiled anyone's dinner, but 'out you go, little buddy'."

Jon puts the kitten on the floor and starts to head back out to the pool.

JON: "Hey, man, you oughta join us, the water's fine!"

FLUKE: "No thanks, I've seen a bunch of you coming in for more beer and drinks, but have yet to see anyone visit the bathroom. I'll just hang out in here today."

JON: "Suit yourself."

Jon exits, whistling the theme to "The magnificent Seven" as he goes...

FLUKE: (under his breath) "Crap, now what am I gonna do?"

The camera follows him back to his room... he begins mumbling as earlier...

FLUKE: "now what?... well, I could, uh...nah. Oh, poopy."

____________________________________________

He gets back to his room, closes the door behind the cameramen and sits on the edge of his bed. He knows time is growing short. In desparation and without a lot of thought, he gets on his knees, takes his blaster helmet and shoves it under Captain Typho's mattress, then arranges some pillows and blankets aound the obvious mound and steps back to look at it...

...suppressed laughter is heard off camera.

FLUKE: "Hey! Was that you again?" (Fluke points to Dave)

DAVE: "Listen, I think you're not supposed to talk to us. Isn't that a rule?"

FLUKE: "I never heard that. Come here you. I'm starting to get a real problem with you."

Jack trains the camera on Fluke as he speaks to Dave

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DAVE: "You seem to have a problem with everything!"

FLUKE: "Huh? What do you mean?"

DAVE: "You can't seem to do anything right! I'm amazed you can even feed yourself! I watched to stumble through Survivor and was just amazed at your high level of stupidity! I thought it was just an act, but now that I get to watch you up close and personal - you, I just... just... I just can't believe this. I mean c'mon, look at what you're doing here. Hiding a BLAST HELMET??? Under a MATRESS? Where someone is gonna try to SLEEP? How could you even consider that?"

Fluke nods in agreement at the silliness of the situation, and responds very calmly...

FLUKE: "Maybe it is an act."

DAVE: "Yeah, right... dipstick!"

FLUKE: "You do realize you're sitting here now, talking to the Founder of the New Jedi Order wannabe face-to-face, don't you? You should choose your words more wisely."

DAVE: "OMG! WTF?? Yeah, I do realize that I'm talking directly to the wannabe." He rolls his eyes and makes finger quotes in the air as he speaks the word 'wannabe' "What the heak does that mean, anyway? - wannabe. Is that supposed to frighten me - intimidate me? What are you gonna do? Humiliate me with your brilliant analytical skills? I mean - You couldn't pour pee out of a boot if the instructions were written on the underside of the heel."

FLUKE: "Thank you, Dave."

DAVE: (puzzled) "Thanks? For what?"

FLUKE: "You've just given me all the inspiration I need for this week's challenge."

Dave and Jack look at each other quizzically as Fluke walks over to the bookcase and grabs a small garden gnome styled bookend.

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Fluke then starts walking back toward Dave...

DAVE: "I, uh... I don't understand... what are you going t..."





____________________________________________

As the ambulance pulled away, there was much commotion as everyone was asking Fluke what had happened...

FLUKE: "It was an unfortunate accident. The poor guy was just trying to help me hide an item for this week's challenge. I told him he shouldn't, but he insisted, and then he fell - didn't he Jack?"

JACK: "Yessir, honorable Mr. Starbucker, sir."





____________________________________________

Meanwhile, back at the hospital...

Doctor: "Did he say what happened?"

Nurse: "He refuses to say, sir. But really, I mean, can you blame him?"

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Starbucker Out

12 Comments:

Blogger Vampirella said...

lol I guess he deserved it

2:25 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

hmm, nothing has ever made my intern question her love for garden gnomes, until now. And are you willing to hide other cute collectibles in or around more camera men? I have one I'd like to volunteer.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

!!
Rectum? Damn near killed 'um!

3:04 PM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Whoa.

Looks like someone's been sipping that Dark Side coffee.

3:17 PM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

I always thought gnomes were full of it...who knew it was the other way around.

and Jon...LOL

4:10 PM  
Blogger Count Dooku said...

What a deplorable use of the time-honored custom of leaving garden gnomes in front of ones dwelling.
That is, unless, it’s your way of telling us of your new dwellings?

4:21 PM  
Blogger Private Hudson said...

You know, that gnome looks kind of familiar.

I can't quite placeify it, though.

5:48 PM  
Blogger Jabafatboy said...

Doctor, my nomearoids are acting up.

Honey, Are you SURE its a suppository?


North To Alasska go north the rush is on!!

5:55 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

{eyes wide in disbelief}

Fluke, can I like, get ya a drink? Fluff your pillow? Polish your light saber?

8:28 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I was going to say I was sorry for letting you know theat Grevious' kitten was still in the house. But after seeing what happened to that garden gnome, that cat got off easy.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Noel of Neptonian said...

Fluke, you ARE turning evil....

I have to make sure Bell don't go near you.

12:26 AM  
Blogger F.O.O.F. said...

Frick: "Eh...should we be afraid of him now?"

Frack: "Naw....He wouldn't do anything like that to his loyal fan base.
...not unless we asked him to."

8:34 AM  

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