Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Padmé: Fast and Furious

These challenges are getting weirder and weirder. K, so I have to, like, hide something without Big Bro Jar Jar seeing it. I’m good at hiding things... hiding my identity, hiding feelings, hiding weight gain, hiding weapons, hiding liquor bottles, hiding a bad hair day...

Let’s see. Something small. Maybe something I can, like, stick in my shirt? That could work. I casually picked out a bottle of white wine, which was, like, so nicely chilled in the refrigerator, and poured myself a glass. I took the bottle with me out to the pool.

“Anyone want a drink?” I asked.

Oneida looked at her watch. “Isn’t it a little early to start drinking?”

“K, whatever,” I said, walking over to where JJ, Fluke, and Master Yoda were hanging out.

“You guys, like, want a glass of wine? It’s, like, perfectly chilled and I’m gonna like get some cheese and crackers and stuff!”

JJ and Fluke were all over that, but Master Yoda was like, totally ignoring me. Or maybe he was, like, sleeping. He had sunglasses on.

“Uh, Master Yoda?”

“Hmp, ug, erg, mmm,” he started. “Oh, yes, listening to you, I was, Senator Amidala. Resting my eyes, I was. About your new dress, continue.”

I rolled my eyes. Like Master Yoda is fooling anyone with his “resting my eyes” excuse. “Uh, like, I wasn’t talking about my dress. Do you want some wine?”

“Yes, have wine I will. To meditate, it helps me.”

So I started slamming down the drinks. Fast and furious like. I had to get drunk and make everyone think I was going to hurl. Even though, I like, NEVER hurl when I drink. I can totally hold my liquor.

We polished off the wine quickly, so I made some margaritas. Then some shots and beer chasers. Man, I miss Obi-Wan. He was so totally great at drinking games.

When I was sufficiently buzzed, I starting complaining.

“Wow, like, I don’t feel so good. Wow. Oh, wow, I better-“ I ran off to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth.

Even if those cameras are on in the bathrooms, do you think the cameramen are going to, like, watch while I’m spewing barf? Like, doubtful. Ewww. So I bent over the toilet and pretended to hurl. While this was happening, I slipped the cork from the wine bottle out of my pocket and into my bra. Challenge done!

K, I like, need to rest now. Can someone please stop the room from like spinnin all ‘round?


Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

*Walks over and tips Padme over on to her side, puts a blanket over her*

9:47 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

*Looks over at Padme and slowly shakes head*

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aww but wont the thing fall out when you take a bath?

you do intend on taking a bath before sunday dont you?

11:17 AM  
Blogger flu said...

*Walks over, props Padme back up the way she was, nods approvingly*

11:37 AM  
Blogger Vegeta said...

Looks at padme and laughs

12:06 PM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Hey! So that's where all the drool stains are coming from!

1:07 PM  
Blogger tiny lil jawa said...

whats with all the "likes"?

1:56 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

*gives Fluke a dirty looks, and tips Padme back on her side*

2:50 PM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Gently places Padmé into original position.
Puts a lamp shade on her bum.

oooo...another jawa...

5:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Slipped cork in bra ? won't the larger obvious bump be a give away ?

OOOPs Sorry , didnt really mean it that way!

6:02 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

oooo...another jawa...

uhhh, alrighty. Out! Everybody! *points for male contestants to leave the girl's room. Gives JJ his lamp shade as he leaves*

7:41 PM  
Blogger Noel of Neptonian said...

Man I swear she talks even more when she passed out cold from the drinking.

I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight.

12:29 AM  

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