Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Oneida: Just Shove It Somewhere

I had something I’d been hiding since the last challenge, though not from the cameras. I was hiding this from General Grievous. You see, during the last challenge, when he’d detached three of his four arms, I saw a chance to cause some mischief, also known as furthering the goals of the Republic. No, I didn’t stencil the Republic insignia on him, my self preservation mode wouldn’t let me. But it did let me swipe one of his many lightsabers when he wasn’t looking. And I know he’s noticed that it’s gone, but he hasn’t asked anyone if they’ve seen it. There is a reason for that. I wasn’t sure what to expect, I’d never seen a lightsaber like this before. It was small, the base had a plastic little kitty on it, and off the bottom were several little crystal charms. It took me a while to turn it on, I was pretty convinced I’d leave the experience missing a hand, eye or maybe create some ventilation for my brain. When I did finally turn it on, I was rather surprised. I was holding what was the lightsaber equivalent of childproof scissors. And it was a lovely shade of violet. I had no idea that they made a ‘my first lightsaber’. What is he going to do with this? Leave burn marks on people's clothing?

I had to hide this thing and I had no idea where. And now I had a deadline. I tried sticking in a potted plant, but that didn’t work out so well, the lightsaber accidentally went off. Umm, I’m sure the tree will recover. Too big to flush down a toilet. Too big to be an inconspicuous aquarium addition. I thought about putting it in the bathroom, but every time I tried Noel was in there. Maybe I should tell her she eats desserts in her sleep. Could be the cause of her frequent trips to the loo. I tried to think of places no one went. I thought about attaching it to Bob the Banta’s collar, but I am well aware it only takes one Bantha to start and maintain a stampede, so I passed.

Time was starting to run out. I *could* hide it in the litter box, but that’s just gross. Then I had a thought, not a very good one, but I wasn’t feeling very picky at the moment. I surveyed the kitchen. There it sat, my salvation, a place no one would look, no one would go, and was boring enough my camera man wouldn’t focus on what I was doing. The guy I have now seems to have a hard time keeping the camera lens level, it always seems to be dipped down on something lower than my face. Maybe he likes my feet.

I walked over to the counter where the cereal was kept. I reached nonchalantly for the box of Totally K Über Branflakes. No one has touched it since we got here. Kenobi looked at it once with an expression of pain, but that was it. I popped the lid on it, then looked back at my camera man behind me. The lens wasn’t pointed at anything above my waist. I quickly shifted the cereal around and shoved the pink lightsaber in the box, then closed it back up. Just to hedge my bets, I put the box behind the Lannik Loops and Cinnamon Bith Bites(with marshmallows!). I stepped back to survey my handiwork. I backed right into the camera lens with my bum. Which answers that question, at least. I turned around, ‘uh, Bill, I’m up here. No, little further up. Yup, there we go. Did you see what I just did?” “Uh, well, ahh, yeah, you shifted your weight from one hip to the other.” Alrighty, so that’s one camera I don’t have to worry about, but what of the stationary cameras all over the house? Only time will tell.


Blogger Captain Typho said...

I would say that that lightsaber is adorable, but the fact that Grievous had it means some little kid Jedi may be missing a limb.

That fiend!

6:15 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

A Hello Kitty Lightsaber?

Aww, that's cute!

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So ya backed into a camera and it hit ya in the bum. ANOTHER scar in the name of the republic.

Aren't you the popular one

6:37 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

No scar, I just didn't realize it was that close or that low

7:21 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I cannot beleive the camera manwas so crass. What a jerk. I can't stand people like that.

So how would one contact this bill and get... I mena destroy the offending tape Hmmmm

10:02 PM  
Blogger Noel of Neptonian said...

Hey... the cameraman following me around never looks at me like that....

It may be a good thing.

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol... well Onieda I hope grevious dont use the kitty-lasr on you

you might leave BB with a perm LOL

2:18 AM  
Blogger flu said...

Some kid is gonna be pleased with the surprise in that box of cereal... if any kid ever opens that box of cereal.

6:17 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Kewl! Pretty light saber!

7:20 AM  

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