Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Oneida: Dealing with Morgan

Pirates? I squinted at the horizon. I could see wooden ships with large billowing sails heading towards us. What type of pirates are those? And what are they shooting at us, a big ball of metal? How primitive. But that does work in our favor, if they were modern pirates with modern weapons, it’d be a lopsided battle.

I looked around to see what I could use to battle the ships. As I did, Jon’s ship came crashing through the still solid, normal reality wall. Sniffy watched as he zipped up to his ship. She then walked over to me. “Woof woof!” I looked at her, “Gee Sniffy I don’t know.” “Woof woof woof?” she asked. That was a good question, I had no idea what these pirates wanted. “Woof.” Also a good point, if we showed them violence, the only possible response these seafaring folk would have would be violence, perhaps we should try to negotiate. Then I stopped, what am I saying? I’m in the military, shoot first ask questions later, negotiation is Padmè’s deal. I pondered making a cannon that would shoot coconuts at the approaching ship, but while a neat idea, it would do jack against the ships; some of them looked like they were armored as they neared land.

A heat shimmer, or at least what looked like a heat shimmer, passed over myself and Sniffy. “Woof woof wofity woof?” “What do you mean ‘what on the outer rim am I wearing, same thing that..” I looked down, oh, hmm, maybe not the same thing I wore into the room. My clothes had changed into a corseted top, a ruffly skirt with a slit up the side, and some sweet knee high boots. As I examined my new outfit and tried to figure out if I should go change, Sniffy warned me that a pirate was approaching. I turned and saw him.

I made a face. What a poofy foofy pirate, how could he tolerate the heat in a get up like that? He was carrying a bottle of rum and had the swagger of either an overly confident man, or one who didn’t all his faculties about him. But he moved with astounding speed. “Arr, the Captain’s been here,” he said triumphantly. I looked over at Sniffy, who was now sporting a piratey goatee. I touched my own face, black ink came off on to my hands. I looked at him, “You are so dead, I’m going to..” before I knew it, he had embraced me and tilted me backwards. I realized two things at that moment

1) The two of us must look like the most jacked up romance novel cover EVER
2) My clones probably Tivo’d this and I was never ever going to live it down

I didn’t think things could get worse. Then the pirate looked deep into my eyes and started to ask, “Arr, my pretty lass, do you want a ….” Before he could complete what I could only imagine was a very well used line, I was out of his hold, had taken the bottle of rum from his hand and broke it over his head. He lay unconscious on the ground. I looked at the dog, “Come on Sniffy, lets go get cleaned up before too many people see us like this.” When we left, it looked like the others had things pretty well in hand. But if this marker turns out to be permanent, that foofy pirate better know how to swim, fast.


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:42 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I'll bet get smacked with a rum bottle will make him an irate pirate.

3:42 AM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Feel the urge to lift one leg up in an awkward pose, did you?

4:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That story was " Bodacious" it had me reeling with side "SLIT"ing laughter. It was "MORGAN" I expected to read.

I think an Emmy is in the works.

5:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like that hollo paint is changing more thna the room

5:49 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I hope Sniffy is OK.

6:28 AM  
Blogger flu said...

Hey! That pirate owes me a few memories!

....and don't worry, the marker wears off in a few days... *snicker*

nice outfit, btw...

6:32 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

I don't see what the problem is. most jawa women have beards and we don't...
oh....maybe I do see the problem.

8:00 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

You did much better than I did in my last rum in with "The Captain". I was left "knocked" out on a beach with my head killing me the next day. I think I'd been hit with at least one of three empty bottles lying near me. Oh well

9:01 AM  
Blogger Epsilon 775 said...

Yeah, some of the men in camp *hack...Gamma 928* have been muttering about the wonders of new technology,how they recorded some holo transmission, and how they would taunt "her" about it forever.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Epsilon 775 said...

Sorry, Lt. Cmdr, I tried to erase the tape, but a security droid shot me with a stunning balster in the back. Really sorry. *looks at you sympathetically*

1:14 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Thanks for trying Epsilon 775, I really appreciate it. Good to hear from you :)

1:17 PM  
Blogger Epsilon 775 said...

You too, Lt. Cmdr.!

1:19 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Wait just a minute. You, like, BROKE the bottle of rum over his head? Holy Force woman, couldn't you think of another way?

4:41 PM  

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