Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Starbucker: the ying and yang of this complete breakfast.

FLUKE: OMG! Thank the maker! Paired with a human! YESSSS! I swear there's NO WAY I could eat ANYTHING some of these species here could dish out!

Fluke turns to Jardena, his new partner So, Jardena.... I can call you Jardena right? How do you fancy yourself in the kitchen?"

JARDENA: "Oh, I love fancy kitchens, and can really cook, too!... especially if they've got some of those, uh... fancy... things, with, uh... the slots, and the metal deals..."

She begins making hand gestures... and continues her description... Fluke thinks to himself... 'wow, she's hot'

Jardena: " ...and they've normally got this thing... this pressing thing that's, well, it goes 'up' by itself, but you always have to help it 'down'... and the stuff you put in it comes out all, like.... warm and... toasty. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

FLUKE: "A toaster?"

JARDENA: "YES! That's it! I love those!'

FLUKE: "Uh.... welllll, um...Wonderful! In that case, let me fix you up a breakfast fit for a king, er, Queen!, er.... Queen's handmaiden... or, uh... whatever you are - K?

Fluke turns to Jar Jar Jar Jar, I need some fresh scurrier eggs, and some diced, chunked Ronto bits and a few garden-fresh veggies... some white, red and green things... yeah. I'm gonna whip up a FeeEster Omlette a la fried YingYang - while my grits water is coming to a boil."

Fluke begins thinking to himself...'Hm... how can I do this while holding shut the mystery door obscuring the secret of my foamy Scurrier eggs! Wait... did I say a FeeEster Omlette? Lemme think here... think, Fluke, think!... dang, I forgot what goes in a FeeEster omlette. This isn't my kitchen! The Magic Marking system in MY kitchen normally calls for a salad dressing packet which give no clues of it's ingredients whatsoever! CRAP! Oh, well... I'll just put on a show... work the presentation... it'll turn out good... no problem...'

Fluke turns and faces the camera, to give the audience a play-by-play...

FLUKE: "One could say that the feeEster omlette is smothered, double-covered, chunked, diced, and peppered... yum! So, I throw a bit of each of those ingredients (except the cheese which comes last) on the grill to cook... and head over to my egg station where I grab two eggs from the basket in the fridge and break them into a grits bowl. I should mention here that the "grits bowl," while often holding grits, holds many other things including chili from time to time."

Fluke pauses to hold his grits bowl up to the camera and grins... General Greivous bumps into him... knocking him forward...

FLUKE: "Watch it, tin man!"

GG: Wheese, *cough*

FLUKE: " Yes, well...The cool thing about cracking your eggs in a shallow-ish bowl is that if you happen to get a piece of shell in there, you can see it and spoon it out before it ends up getting cooked - which is just nasty. The way I see it, getting egg shell in someone's food is one of the cardinal sins of kitchen operation. I'll have to come up with some other cardinal sins later... and maybe some ordinal sins too while I'm at it... or maybe I'll just order the cardinal sins once I come up with them. I know what you at home are thinking... I know... but we don't want deviled eggs here, do we? Aaaaa-HA! gotcha!"

As Fluke speaks, he cracks the eggs into his bowl, and tosses the shells over his shoulder... many pieces of which are getting into other's food... Fluke then ignites his lightsabre, causing many others around him to duck and cover, sending stuff everywhere...

FLUKE: "What? I'm just gonna slice this bagel so it'll fit in the toaster. SHeesh!

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TYPO: "Warn us next time, civvy!"

FLUKE: "Aye-Aye, Cap'n!

Fluke turns back to the camera Now, I'm not gonna tell you what makes the eggs so dangblasted foamy, so don't ask.

He turns his back to the camera... lowers the shield on his blaster helmet and begins throwing ingredients in and whipping the eggs up in a whurryfury... then turns back to the camera Now, when the time is right, these eggs that are now BEYOND scrambled, I mean - there are all these teeny tiny air bubbles in the eggs - are poured with grace and ease into the hot skillet. These eggs have transcended the realm of the mere Scurrier embryo-- yes, yolk and chalaza and albumen are more fully one than nature ever intended. Look at how lovely! The mixture is palest orange-yellow when it hits the omlette pan, it's sizzling destiny. From there the good stuff goes in: all the diced Ronto bits, onions, tomatoes, and peppers, like a Veggie-Tales skit gone horribly awry.

Fluke flips the mixture around a bit until it's a nice and done on both sides. Gen Greivous bumps into him again.

FLUKE: "Watch OUt, Goobersmoocher! Don't make me take this can opener attachment after you!"

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GG: "I'd like to see you *cough* try!" the general reaches for his own sabre

JAR JAR: "Whollda up! Da compy-, da compyti-, da compyteti-... da fightin's bein dun on da greel n stovetopsy, not withsa no reel fighten!"

GG: "Consider yourself lucky to be spared today, sub-Jedi!"

Fluke gets flustered

FLUKE: "Oh, yeah!?!?!? Well, consider yourself... uh... ugly! Neener-neener!!"

Fluke then seems to forget the cameras - he lays two slices of cheese diagonal-wise, crossing the center of the omlette and folds it from the pan onto the big platter so it looks like a big breakfast smiley face that is drooling cheese. The bagels get buttered (or, I should say, margerined), and arranged about the middle of the platter so as to seperate the drooling omlette from the grits which he spoons from the steel pot in the steam table between the big grill and the egg burners. He then remembers there is a camera.

FLUKE: "OOOO, you're back! Let's warm up some coffee... *ahem* FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

and he ignites his lightsabre again...

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He sets everything in front of Jardena.


Jardena: "Uh... what's Yingy and Yangy about this?"

FLUKE: "Oh, Crap! I forgot!"

He slaps himself in the forehead and runs back to the skillet where he fries up his dish's centerpiece...

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FLUKE: "Here! The Piece de Resistance!"

Everyone looks at the piece, very impressed...

JARDENA: "Aren't you going to have some?"

FLUKE: "Who? Me? Nah. Not as long as there's more cereal left."

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Starbucker Out


Blogger Master Yoda said...

Smells like too much yang you added.

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mmmmmmm that looks goood

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You seperate the shells from the Eggs?

Slacker!!! A REAL MAN eats em shell and all!!

Hey any of that cereal left?


3:29 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I can't believe you made an omelet, too!

*slaps forehead*

3:32 PM  
Blogger F.O.O.F. said...

ooooo! Hear that?
It's the slap signal.
Quick! We're needed again!

3:59 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

mmm, coffee tastes ozonerific

5:29 PM  
Blogger Son Goku said...

silly fluke jedi mind trix are for kids!

5:39 PM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

That's amazing. How did you do that with eggs??

8:11 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Nice looking meal. But like, next time, try not to hog the camera so much.

6:59 AM  
Blogger flu said...

Typho: Ancient FotNJOw culinary secret handed down over many generations.

Have some, there's plenty left

7:00 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I just noticed your Typo, cute

8:03 AM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Eh? What typo?

6:56 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Nothing you need to worry your cute self over, Captain Tightpants

12:20 AM  

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