Sunday, January 29, 2006

Padmé: My "Drinking Problem"

{Padmé regains consciousness and finds herself on the couch in Typho, Jon & Fluke’s room. The cameras are standing by... Fade in from commercial in 3, 2, 1...}

I walk over to the bar where Captain Typho was sitting.

“What’s going on?” I ask, rubbing my neck. It’s so stiff, I really need a massage. Wait... my neck...

The memories come flooding back. A fight with Noel. Ranaé breaking it up with some kinda neck pinch.

“There was, um, an incident,” Typho answers.

“Ugh, I totally remember now. Is everyone OK?”

“Well you bit Oneida’s hand pretty hard. Since when do you bite?”

“I didn’t mean to bite her. I didn’t even know who I was biting. I mean, there were, like, cameramen all over. It just, like, sorta happened. I had to defend myself.”

“Senator Amidala, with all due respect, I’d like to ask you a personal question.”

I raise my eyebrow at Typho warily. “Yes, Captain?”

“Were you drinking a lot this afternoon?”

I stand there, frozen. I am aware of the many cameras circling the room. “Uh, well, like, no, not a lot. What are you, like, trying to say?”

“Senator, I am just a little concerned about how much you’ve been enjoying the Jose Cuervo lately. I know you are under a lot of stress with the war. But you must realize that this reality show will be aired across the galaxy. You have a reputation to uphold.”

My eyes dart back and forth from the camera to Typho to the door. There’s no way out of this.

What I’m thinking: “How dare you insult me in front of the cameras!”

What I say (with a touch of sarcasm): “Thank you for your concern, Captain. What happened today was totally, like, embarrassing, but I don’t think I was completely at fault. And I certainly wasn’t drinking too much. I can, like, handle my liquor very well, ya know.”

I can’t believe he thinks I’m a drunk! Yes, I am totally under a lot of stress. My husb- I mean, a lot of people who are really important to me are out fighting this crazy war and I’m stuck in this house trying really hard to, like, win a million credits. I need to relax and clear my head sometimes!

Ya know, we need some new codes for this Big Brother house. Like when I totally don’t want to discuss something in front of the cameras, I can say something like, “I’m in a flank two position.” I’m going to have a little talk with Typho later.

Next day:

Well, it’s all worked out! Typho and I had a “discussion” about what is and is not appropriate to say in front of cameramen. (Then he “volunteered” to help finish my section of my room.) Noel and I made peace and I apologized to Oneida about her hand. So, it’s all, like, cool again! I wonder what our next challenge will be?


Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

How exactly did you get him to 'volunteer' to help you?

2:24 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

I have my ways. Don't forget, he still, like, works for me.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Anakin Skywalker said...

Shuh, whatev girl. People always up in my grill bout shizzy like that too, you gotta just do your thing or whatev.

7:57 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Well, be nice, this is supposed to be time off for him, too.

6:19 PM  

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