Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Padmé: Don't Make Me...

The cameras close in on the only female room in the Big Brother house. Noel and Oneida move furniture out while Padmé tinkers with R2D2.

“I know I can totally program R2 to build a new entertainment unit.”

“Beep, brt, whrp, wheeeeeee!”

“Shoot! If only Anakin where here...”

Noel comes over to me. “Padmé, can you give us hand with this bed frame?”

“Well, um, I guess so.” My roommates had been hinting all day that I hadn’t been doing my share of the work. Like, planning out the whole design of the room isn’t doing anything? K, so maybe I’m not hammering or sewing or moving things, but I’ve let them use R2 to do a lot of that.

I followed Noel over to where she and Oneida were taking apart the bed. We had to get everything out of the room so we could install the new flooring.

I took one side of the bed and we lifted it. It didn’t fit through the door very well, so we had to twist it to the side and shimmy it back and forth.

“Oooooowwwwwww!” I yelled.

“What? Are you OK?” Noel asked.

“Well, I, like, totally broke a nail! And I scratched my hand! Ya know, my body is still recovering from, like, the Battle of Geonosis – I don’t need more injuries!”

The cameras zoom in close to Padmé’s face.

“Eww, get away from me! God, just, like, give me some space, K?” I turned to Oneida and Noel. “Listen, I really think I should totally stick to managing this project. I’m a Senator, that’s what I do best.”

“You’re nobody’s Senator in this house,” Noel muttered.

That was the last straw. I had been ignoring her “comments” all day, but I just couldn’t let her keep talking to me that way.

“What is your problem?”

“Padmé, you’re not doing much of anything to help out with this challenge. You’re just giving us orders.”

“Duh. Like, who else is going to take charge and organize things?”

“I can manage just fine on my own. We’re way behind everyone else because of you. If you would just lift one of your nicely manicured fingers...” her voice trailed off. She looked uncomfortable with confrontation, but I certainly wasn’t.

“How dare you!” I got right in her face. (Sometimes, you just have to intimidate people a little bit. I learned that when I was Queen.)

Her jaw set and she got a very determined look on her face. “Get out of my face. Please.

“Make me.” I said.

Then do you know what she had the nerve to do? She slapped me! She totally slapped me in the face. I grabbed her hair and pulled her head back.

“You better watch it, girlfriend! I am trained to-“ But suddenly she had me in a headlock. I struggled against her and got loose, leaping over to the dresser to grab the closest weapon I could find...

“Don’t make me use this lipstick!”


Blogger Captain Typho said...


No more margaritas, okay? Please?

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watch it Shes deadly at 25 paces with that thing.

Would you guys keep it down!!

We cant get anything done because of the noise.

8:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

uh oh looks like you should have got dividers

9:44 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Could be James Bond-like lipstick, pretty color and a laser, all in one

9:48 AM  
Blogger flu said...

y'all need some of those inflatable bopper boxing gloves...

...and a thick coating of massage oils...

9:04 AM  

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