Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Oneida: Trying to Eat the 'Complete Breakfast'

When the challenged was announced, Fluke and I put our heads together to figure out the basics. He asked me if I knew how to cook, I told him I did, though for some reason I blanked on the term ‘toaster oven’, weird, huh? Anyways, I don’t think Fluke was paying to much attention to what I was saying, he never really looked at my face much. He offered to cook, which is fine with me. I'm probably the faster eater, what with the practice I get in the ship’s mess hall.

I stood and watched him cook. He seems to enjoy camera being around him, either that or he watches too many cooking shows. I chatted with Noel a bit as we watched our partners go about making our food in very different ways. We stepped back when Fluke pulled out his lightsaber to cut and toast the bagel at the same time. And he just kept making more food. Lots more food. I was starting to get worried, hopefully he’d give Jar Jar a lot of it. Sonya Thomas I am not.

We had to wait for Jar Jar to taste everything in order to pick a favorite. By this time, I’d had a good look at what Fluke made. Lots of eggs, something called grits, a bagel, and coffee. It required a very big plate. Hmmm, this might be a problem, I thought. I normally just have coffee and a bagel for breakfast. But he’s so pleased with himself, I think it’d hurt his feelings if I didn’t eat it all.

Faced with a giant plate worth of food, I began, and finished a normal meal size in less than a minute, and if that had been it, we’d have won, but it wasn't. Looking at my plate, I saw I had around 5 servings left, at least. The man cooks like my friend’s Drewish mother, no such thing as too much food or being full. I managed to finish the bagel and about half of the omelet. The coffee smelled vaguely like ozone, but maybe that’s how they like it Tatooine. But the grits, they look like spackle.

Fluke droped into the chair next to me, eating a bowl of cereal. “Aren’t you hungry” he asked, honestly baffled by the amount of food left on my plate. “Not any more,” I offered, hoping that it might be an acceptable answer. “Oh come on, you’re a growing girl, we can win this” he insisted, taking the fork from me. Fluke then scooped up a big bite of omelet and grits, all while making space ship noises, trying to get me to open my mouth so the ‘ship could land in the hanger’. I was going to tell him that technique doesn’t even work on my 3 year old niece, it wouldn’t work on me, but as soon as I opened my mouth he shoved the food in, causing me to choke. Always thinking on his feet, Fluke tried to get me to drink some coffee, to wash the food down with, which made the choking worse. And I have no idea what happened immediately after that, I passed out when he tried to give me the Heimlich maneuver, which forced the remaining air out past the little gap between egg, grits, ozoneated coffee and throat, but not letting any air back in to the lungs.

Despite all that, I’d have to give the guy an A for effort. And at least his CPR skills are better than his Heimlich skills. But until my vision returned, Fluke looked a bit muppety to me for a while. I think this may have killed some brain cells.


Blogger flu said...

Whew, you've come back around! Boy, you were out of it.

I believe that look I've got there is due in part to the thick layer of partially digested food you coated me with.

I never figured such a petite lady could, erm... project herself so well!

6:18 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Psh. Fluke should have had Jabafatboy as a partner. He'd have swallowed down that meal in one gulp.

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Grits Eggs Coffee, I only gets that kinda gormet food when I'm traveling without ole wifiepoo..

She says that kinda eatin aint Healthy!

Womans NUTS!!!!!

8:09 PM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Is it possible that Fluke planned this excessive meal with the sole purpose of performing CPR on Jardena?


8:38 PM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Not only muppety Fluke looks there, but also like hormonal problems he has.

9:05 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

*cough gasp cough* I certainly hope not.

*give Fluke an embarassed smile* Sorry about that, but no more trying to feed me, ok? And I'd give you a kiss for your heroics, but I really need to go wash my mouth out and brush my teeth, so excuse me.

9:18 PM  
Blogger Private Hudson said...

Kiss for heroics?

I'm heroic! I'm heroic!

4:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Onieda this is why you should have brought a dog to sit under the table

Poor Onieda

8:35 AM  
Blogger flu said...

Is it possible that Fluke planned this excessive meal with the sole purpose of performing CPR on Jardena?

uh, no... I didn't plan it...

But, thanks to the mishap - even though we lost the challenge - I still somehow feel rather victorious.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Fluke, if I see your hands anywhere other than the accepted CPR locations, you'll be in trouble

3:23 PM  
Blogger flu said...

*whew* - glad you were uncon...er. I mean, glad you are all better.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Umm, Fluke, I'm feeling much better, so you can move your hands now.


12:19 AM  
Blogger Dinorider d'Andoandor said...

hahaha! I guess Fluke was more than a lucky man! Learning CPR is really helpful.

6:16 PM  

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