Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Oneida: Redecorating Hazards

Things had been going pretty slow all day. Padmé was ‘managing’ the project, which meant she told us what to do and tried to program R2 to do some work. I could have programmed that droid to make our room into Versailles if she’d given me 5 minutes, but she wouldn’t let me touch him, something about Anakin’s preferences. So Noel and I got to do most of the work, actually we did about 95% of the work.

I’ve dealt with Padmé before, I was her handmaiden; you can’t ask for much more abuse than that. I just went back to my policy of smile and nod unless she was about to do something that would cause injury to life or limb. Noel wasn’t quite so used to Padmé’s style of doing things. She’d been making comments all day about Padmé and well within the former Majesty’s hearing range.

As we were moving a bed, Noel and Padmé started snipping at each other. Then Padmé broke a nail. Well, that’ll take her out of action for a while. I was wondering if I could make puppy eyes at one of the guys in the house to get him to help out in Padmé’s place when I heard the volume go up on the argument. I stopped and looked at the two of them. Noel had some height on Padmé, and was not a dainty little flower, she looked like she could hold her own in a fight. But the Senator from Naboo can be surprisingly strong and resourceful in a fight. The trick is saying the right thing to piss Padmé off. They were in each others faces now, so I assumed Noel had found the magic words. And it turns out that which pisses off Noel is invasion of personal space. They were exchanging heated words.

I was starting to day dream about other things when Noel slapped Padmé. I stared, mouth agape, I mean, someone just slapped Padmé, and solidly. Padmé went for Noel’s hair, yanking it back, at which point Noel spun Padmé into a headlock. Twisting her way out, Padmé reached for the dresser, grabbed a tube of lipstick and threatened Noel. Unimpressed, Noel advanced on Padmé.

I heard the camera man speaking quickly into his comm link, telling the other camera men to hurry up and get into the room. I decided it was time to end this, both of these women have reputations to maintain, which won’t be helped by a ‘Wench, my man ain’t yo baby’s daddy’ style fight. As I moved to intercede, Vern, the camera operator grabbed my arm. “Don’t! This is a ratings platinum mine!” I pulled my arm free and headed over.

By this time they were wrestling on the mattress, each trying to get the upper hand. Hair and fur was flying everywhere, but so far no teeth had been lost. I reached in to pull Padmé off of Noel. “Bloody h*$@,” I yelped as I pulled my hand back. “This is a family show, remember,” Vern yelled. “But she bit me!!! And it’s bleeding, a lot!” I yelled, holding up my hand. That was it, time to use the Mon Calamari neck pinch. I planted my foot in Noel’s chest, pushed her off, subdued Padmé, then gave Noel a warning look to cease and desist. Padmé was slumped on the bed, snoring loudly. I pointed to the bathroom,“go clean up, now.” I looked down at Padmé, “I’ll take care of her,” I said, not looking at Noel. She just nodded and headed off to the bathroom. I leaned over, took Padmé’s arms, pulled her up, and managed to get her over my shoulder.

I walked down the hall to one of the other bedrooms and knocked. Typho opened the door, looked at Padmé, looked at my hand, looked at the camera men following us, then back at me. “Um, whatcha been up to?” he asked. “Not much, but I have a favor to ask. Deal with Padmé for me, just for several hours” I asked, but as I did, I started to roll her body off my shoulder and towards him. He caught her, and looked at me uncertainly. “You know your hand’s bleeding, right?” Fluke and Jon were now at the door, taking in the scene. I pointed at Padmé, “she bit me.” I gave them a quick smile, shut their door before they could protest, and walked back to our room.

By the time the contest was over, Noel and I were only two thirds done, but that section looked absolutely fabulous. Can you all guess who's section isn't quite done?

One part of the room (I'm sitting on my bed looking towards the door)

The unfinished part *coughPadme'sareaecough*


Blogger Son Goku said...

Why's that one kitten wearing my pants? Gohan must have come over and did laundry again. Hope your hand bite gets better.

12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Part deux was not what I wanted ta hear , she was asleep. No major discipline for all that. Not even some loss of limb ner nothing?

Ya coulda at least had runt sleep beside her so when she woke up she'd freek out.

you guys are going soft.

5:51 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I suppose I could have stunned them. Maybe next time.

6:29 AM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Padme is already "stunned," Jon.

Carrying unconscious Padme to the couch

I sure hope we can get a copy of that tape!

7:13 AM  
Blogger JawaJuice said...

Wow. Just…wow.
Usually you have to wait in line five hours, then be seated in a seedy old theater with a couple o’ dozen other people usually dressed in dark trench coats and have to pay a minimum of 50 credits to see this kinda action.
Not that I would….eh…know this, of course.

8:07 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Thanks for taking her guys, she *should* wake up in a few hours, unless you activly try to wake her. Please don't, though, just let her sleep it off.

And it shouldn't have that big a deal, but she bites! Where did she learn that???

9:42 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

{Regaining consciousness, rubbing her head}

Mm, uh, my head... Huh?... What the...?

{Spots Typho sitting at the wet bar and perks up}

Oooo, a bar!

9:45 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Exactly why I chose that room, it'll keep her distracted.

Have fun boys ;)

9:47 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Oh this bad!!

Naval officers fighting with Senators, strange aliens losing their tempers, everyone having to take side, loyalties tested, building projects not completed.

It seems like a weird foreshadowing of thing to come.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you boys just be gentlemans now
remember she is a lady

one that bites and no I didnt teach her

10:42 AM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Oooo, a bar!

Uh, uh. The bar is closed.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Ohh, she's just a wee little puff of a thing, you shouldn't be scared of her.

Certainly you must know how to handle a person her size, don't you?

8:09 PM  
Blogger Zebb said...

Nice room girls.

Sorry to hear you didn't get done in time.

12:19 AM  
Blogger Noel of Neptonian said...

Thanks Zebb.

12:19 AM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Next time, some mud or Jello there should be.

6:50 PM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Certainly you must know how to handle a person her size, don't you?

I can't handle you, so obviously the answer is no.


8:10 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

practice makes perfect, if you fall off the horse, you should get back on, ummm, shoot, I'm out of cheesey sayings already, you get the idea ;)

12:13 AM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Get back on it? Gotcha. ;)

1:30 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

That's the spirit *pats Typho on the back*

5:16 PM  

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