Tuesday, January 31, 2006

J.J. : Lemon-Quest

Okay. So we got to go get some lemons off a tree and yet we can’t step outside the Big Brother boundaries. No problem.

I’ll just build a droid to walk over and pick some lemons.

I am a Jawa, after all. If I can’t make a droid out of spare parts and things just lying around, I might as well just pack it in right now.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this kind of work, tho. The last time I built a droid, I was still on Tatooine with my droid-repo buds. But now I live on Coruscant and am the head of a big ol brownie business. I hope I still remember how it’s done.

Let’s see…parts. I’ll need some parts. Preferably mechanical parts that I can re-wire. Hmmm…Not much to choose from. Most of the stuff seems to come from the kitchen. No matter. It will do.

I gather up everything I think may come in handy from the house and feverously start splicing, dicing, welding, melding, together my little droid, making sure to use the stale gum under the table as putty.

Finally…he was ready.

The Internal Salvage to Undermine Citrus droid, or I-SUC for short.

I flipped on the switch, let him warm up, (brewed some coffee…)and gave him his first mission.

“Okay, SUCy, I need you to walk outside to that lemon tree and gather up as many lemons as you can.”

”That’s it? That’s all I was made for?”

“Eh…yeah. That’s right. Just go on out there and get me some lemons.”

“You didn’t program me to fix a faulty hyperdrive? You didn’t need me to communicate with some strange ships computer? You just need me to retrieve some lemons for you?”

“Yup. That’s right. Now will you get a move on it. I think the others are catching up on me.”

“Oh….okay….I guess so. I just wish….oh….never mind.”

“Eh…whats up SUC-man?”

“Nothing…it’s just…my whole existence is to simply retrieve some lemons. That’s it. My purpose in life is finite. My goals, limited. My brief life a hollow shell of what it could be, always reminding me in the dark recesses of my data banks that my dreams are to forever be shattered on the harsh rocks of reality.”

“Um….gee…I never thought of it quite like that before. ….Well, here’s a bag. Off you go now.”

So my I-SUC droid hobbled off towards the lemon tree. I was in the lead. I could feel another win. SUCy got over to the tree and sure enough, started to pick the lemons off the tree. All looked well until he suddenly started to stare at the tree. Then at the lemons. Then back at the tree. This was not good.

“C’mon SUC’y!!!! You can do it!!” I yelled back at him.

“Yes. Of course I can. It’s what I was made for…but once I have fulfilled my obligation…there will be nothing left for me to do. My brief life wasted on citrus and coffee when there could have been so much more. Now…to come to the end of ones life, goal fulfilled…Is there any reason to go on any further? To prolong the agony of existence while suffering from diminishing returns?”

And then…all hope was lost.


But it was too late.

I never got the lemons. Too bad. I was going to use them to ultimately get rid of the Sith and bring about galactic peace.

No. No…never mind. Too late now.


Blogger Vegeta said...

You didn't happen to put that medievil romantic movie J Raneae is talking about into his programming did you? If that was in my mind i'd be depressed too.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...


Having artificial intellegence is nice, but having artificial too much intellegence has it's drawbacks.

11:00 AM  
Blogger November Rain said...

you should of programed it to sabo the others after picking your lemons then it would have a endless task LOL

11:49 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Having feelings, moody feelings, is never good for a robot to have issues. You should have named him marvin

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Bot is a terrible thing to waste.

Hey by the way. What is that called, Botucide, suidroid, droidacide, boltulism, ????

3:23 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Wait.... was that the one and only coffee machine in the house that just walked away in a melancholy fashion?

And if there aren't any blenders left... Hmmmm, that might not be so bad

6:03 PM  
Blogger Captain Typho said...

Wow, what a shame. No blenders, no margaritas. Darn.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

That's what you think! Don't worry, I've got it all under control!

8:06 AM  

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