Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Typho: Something Out of Nothing

The demon pig.
The demon pig.
Originally uploaded by Captain Typho.
Hey, these challenges are getting hard!

It took me awhile to come up with a plan -- a little too long. All of the useful tools had been snatched by other housemates before I got to them, so I was forced to improvise.

I commandeered Jaba Fatboy’s demon pig, Runt. I heard somewhere that pigs are more intelligent than dogs. This turned out to be true, though this pig’s intelligence is blunted by the fact that it has a mean streak a mile wide.

My intent was to have the pig fetch lemons. Instead, it decided it was more fun to attack and wound other pets or to eat the lemons.

People were starting to grumble and make threats. I decided to quit while I was ahead. Salvaging a few lemons that were only partially chewed, I headed for the kitchen.

I cut off the parts that had been ravaged and there wasn’t enough to make anything worth eating. Besides, the fact that there had been pig slobber all over them was disgusting.

Then inspiration struck. When in doubt, improvise.

A little later...

Voilà! Food sculpture.

Not practical, but who said it had to be?

Grievous: A painful extension

So, we got given the challenge and I sat about thinking about how to get the lemons.

I sat...

And I sat...

And sat around some more...

And while I was day dreaming about having another 2 arms added I came up with the plan for the lemons. I rushed out to the tool shed, realised we didn't have a tool shed and ran into the kitchen. The sharpest blade I could find was the one from the "Execution Dicing" machine, so out it came and off came three of my arms.

I was left with 3 arms and no idea if my plan would work.

Eventually I managed to put my arms together and I headed out into the yard.

I stood one the edge of the boundary, arms arm in arm. Soon there were lemons in hand and I was pivoting the arms around and into the house.

"Grievous, are yousa cheating again?"
"No I'm not Jar Jar."
"But yoursa arms are outsiden the property."
"But they're not connected to me any more."
"Those noten welden marks then?"
"Yes they are but the arms are as much use as pieces of metal connected together."
"Grievous, the metal pieces, why didn't you use." Yoda commented.
"Uhhhh… can I keep the lemons?"
"Yousa can, but disqualified yousa are."

If that wasn't bad enough then the day was made worse by hearing that Oneida would try to etch some slogan on me! So I marched off to the Producer and asked him to sign a restraining order I had written. When I returned I took the paper and presented it to her.

"There's no signature here Grievous."

I marched back to the Producer and gave him the paper again;
"Sign it!"
"I did."
"Then where's the signature?"
"It's hidden, I used those lemons that you left with me..."
"What? I left those there?"
"Yeah, you did want it written in lemon juice didn't you?"
"Uhhh, yeah...."

J.J. : Lemon-Quest

Okay. So we got to go get some lemons off a tree and yet we can’t step outside the Big Brother boundaries. No problem.

I’ll just build a droid to walk over and pick some lemons.

I am a Jawa, after all. If I can’t make a droid out of spare parts and things just lying around, I might as well just pack it in right now.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this kind of work, tho. The last time I built a droid, I was still on Tatooine with my droid-repo buds. But now I live on Coruscant and am the head of a big ol brownie business. I hope I still remember how it’s done.

Let’s see…parts. I’ll need some parts. Preferably mechanical parts that I can re-wire. Hmmm…Not much to choose from. Most of the stuff seems to come from the kitchen. No matter. It will do.

I gather up everything I think may come in handy from the house and feverously start splicing, dicing, welding, melding, together my little droid, making sure to use the stale gum under the table as putty.

Finally…he was ready.

The Internal Salvage to Undermine Citrus droid, or I-SUC for short.

I flipped on the switch, let him warm up, (brewed some coffee…)and gave him his first mission.

“Okay, SUCy, I need you to walk outside to that lemon tree and gather up as many lemons as you can.”

”That’s it? That’s all I was made for?”

“Eh…yeah. That’s right. Just go on out there and get me some lemons.”

“You didn’t program me to fix a faulty hyperdrive? You didn’t need me to communicate with some strange ships computer? You just need me to retrieve some lemons for you?”

“Yup. That’s right. Now will you get a move on it. I think the others are catching up on me.”

“Oh….okay….I guess so. I just wish….oh….never mind.”

“Eh…whats up SUC-man?”

“Nothing…it’s just…my whole existence is to simply retrieve some lemons. That’s it. My purpose in life is finite. My goals, limited. My brief life a hollow shell of what it could be, always reminding me in the dark recesses of my data banks that my dreams are to forever be shattered on the harsh rocks of reality.”

“Um….gee…I never thought of it quite like that before. ….Well, here’s a bag. Off you go now.”

So my I-SUC droid hobbled off towards the lemon tree. I was in the lead. I could feel another win. SUCy got over to the tree and sure enough, started to pick the lemons off the tree. All looked well until he suddenly started to stare at the tree. Then at the lemons. Then back at the tree. This was not good.

“C’mon SUC’y!!!! You can do it!!” I yelled back at him.

“Yes. Of course I can. It’s what I was made for…but once I have fulfilled my obligation…there will be nothing left for me to do. My brief life wasted on citrus and coffee when there could have been so much more. Now…to come to the end of ones life, goal fulfilled…Is there any reason to go on any further? To prolong the agony of existence while suffering from diminishing returns?”

And then…all hope was lost.


But it was too late.

I never got the lemons. Too bad. I was going to use them to ultimately get rid of the Sith and bring about galactic peace.

No. No…never mind. Too late now.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Jon: Yes, we have some lemons.



Looking at the lemon tree, I thought back to my Great-Grand Uncle Elmont who once told me “When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.”

It seemed odd to me that he would say that, seeing as how Great-Grand Uncle Elmont hated lemons. Great-Grand Uncle Elmont was always a little crazy.

The other contestants were milling about, being thinkers. They were thinkers, but I was a doer. That’s right a doer, doer in the morning, doer in the evening. A doer whenever I can. Quickly, I ran down to the basement and took a look around.

There was a steel rod just sitting there against a wall. That could be useful, I can poke all the lemons! OK, maybe that won’t work, but I was onto something here.

I also found a short extension cord and a plan started to come together. Quickly, I grabbed the bar and the cord, ran upstairs into the Swingin’ Bachelor Pad to get the nailgun attachment for my Wristcomm, then ran out into an open spot in the courtyard where I could get a clean shot.

I aimed the nailgun and fired at one of the lemons. I realized my mistake as a 3-round burst of the fast flying flechettes turned the lemon into a juicy explosion of rind and pulp.

Meanwhile, Sniffy came sniffing up to me with her tail wagging and her tongue hanging out. Hey, she can help, too!

“Hey Sniffy! Go get some lemons! Go get 'em girl!”

Sniffy woofed and ran off to the tree.

Meanwhile, my idea of harpooning the lemons with the nailgun wasn't working very well.

Harpooning? Hmmm.

Quickly, I fired the cable launcher on my Writscomm at the lemon and the point dug into the ripe fruit. Success!

I released the point and wound the cable back onto its spool. I opened the compartment that holds the spare points. I had five more.

As I connected the next tip, Sniffy came running up with a lemon and dropped it at my feet.

“Good girl, Sniffy!” I exclaimed. “Go get another one!”

My trusty companion happily ran off towards the tree and I fired another harpoon into a lemon.

Sniffy ran back with the oblong fruit in her mouth. This is going pretty well, I’m doing alright.

After another command, she ran off again to get another. I continued firing the harpoon and releasing the points into the fruit in the tree.

Sniffy was running back to me, but something leapt out at her. It was Runt, Jaba’s stupid thing attacked her. The two animals started brawling and spinning around each other. They were going around and around like a whirling dervish on a Disco Trimmer, and their momentum carried them away from the courtyard and around the house.

Drats. Sniffy helped, but she only got me two. The rest is up to me. I wrapped the wiring of the cord around the metal pole and I plugged the cord into a wall outlet. My Makeshift electromagnet hummed to life; I pointed it towards the tree. The lemons began to shake, and then they tore free of the branches. Six lemons total, followed by….

…Oh oh.

The lemons were coming towards me, but so was a spring, some metal cups, a hydrospanner, a screwdriver, a hammer, a ratchet set, a toolbox, the coupler from a landspeeder, some kids toys, several batteries from a blaster, a landing skid, several forks, a 12 foot gutter, two wrist communicators, eight metal spoons, three more communicators, a shovel, a wheel from a landing gear, the strut from a landing gear, a crowbar, a street sign, three spinner hubcaps, a tie clasp, an acetylene torch, a wheelbarrow, several lead pipes, a pump handle, a lamp, a coil of wire, a fan blade, a trowel, the claw, dome and left leg of an R2 unit, and a kitchen sink.

Under the pile of metal and eight lemons, I sighed and tried to relax. I had some time to kill; I guess that I can think of all the things that I could do with the lemons.

I could make lemonade, lemon shake ups, lemon shake ups (with booze), lemon pie, lemon squares, zesty lemon muffins, lemon pudding, lemon pudding cake, lemon custard, lemon shrimp, lemon custard with shrimp, pickled lemons, lobster in lemon sauce, lemon coleslaw, lemon pasta, lemon ice cream, lemon pancakes, lemon guacamole, chicken in honey lemon sauce, lemon rice, lemon and coconut bread, lemon kabobs, lemon Creole, lemon gumbo. There's pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried lemon. There's pineapple lemon, lemon shrimp with lemon, coconut lemon, pepper lemon, lemon soup, lemon stew, lemon salad, lemon and potatoes, lemon burger, lemon sandwich, lemon and baked beans, lemon, egg and bacon; lemon, sausage and bacon; lemon and spam; egg bacon and lemon; egg bacon sausage and lemon; lemon bacon sausage and spam; lemon egg lemon lemon bacon and lemon; lemon sausage lemon lemon bacon lemon tomato and lemon; and of course Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and lemon.

Maybe I’ll make that.

Oneida: What to Use Lemons For...

Hmm, this challenge will require much thought. If people’s pets can help, that’ll make it easier for some, though looking at Obi’s barrel o’ monkeys, they could be more hassle than help.

I plopped down on the couch to ponder what I’d do with lemons. Contestants were milling around, trying to get ready for the challenge. At least the Jedi can’t use the force, so it’s a slightly more level playing field. So what would I do with lemons? And Naboo lemons are slightly more acidic than most lemons found throughout the galaxies. Well, there is the obvious, I could make lemonade. They could be used to put streaks in a person’s hair. Pie, pie is always good. Lemons are helpful for thwarting scurvy, though it's not such a big problem these days. Could always try to use them to clean up the slimy mess the Hutt left, but I don’t think the tree has that many lemons. I wonder if I could make it into an acid etching solution. I grab the closest thing to me to write on, Obi’s two month old wrestling magazine with Rick Flair on it, ugh, this’ll work. I walk over to the sink and sit down so I can inventory the cleaning products. Ok, so with my acidic component, and I have chlorine, and I know where I could get some iron. Well, let’s see, if we use an electrophilic substitution reaction, and hmmm, *scribble scribble scribble* ok, yup, that should work. Now, what do I want to etch, and on where.

Yoda and Grievous walk by, bickering about galaxy politics. Grievous is going on and on about how worthless the Republic Navy is. I’m not the Navy’s biggest fan, but his intense dislike of us does get a bit old. Then it hit me, I could use my lemons to etch the Republic Naval insignia on Grievious, maybe put ‘Property Of” right above it, or maybe 'If Found, Please Return to Republic Navy'.

Where would I put it? While his back would be easier, dead smack on the middle of his forehead would have bit more of an impact. The lemon juice should allow for the variances that would come from his fairly unique composition. I like the forehead idea. And he likes to sleep out in the sun by the pool, so that’d make it even better, let some heat help it along

Will I actually do this? I don’t know. I like my arms attached to my body, my throat not crushed, and my insides, well, inside. But it’s funny to this Navy girl to think of possibly doing it. Maybe I’ll just use the lemons to bleach a Republic insignia in his cat’s fur, might be safer.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Challenge # 3

Jar Jar: Okeyday, thissen challenge gonna be difficult. Yousa will be worken individually on thissen one, and yousa are free to sabotagen each other. Now, der challenge. See thassen lemon tree over there? Mesa wanten yousa to pick as many lemons from der tree as yousa can in half an hour.

Padme: Like, that's an easy challenge.

Grievous: *Cough* It sounds *hack* too easy to me...

Typho: Wait... that tree is outside the property line!

Jar Jar: Thassen right - and yousa can noah leaven der house. Der edge of der property issen 2 metres (6 feet) away from der nearest windows, and der tree issen another metre (3 feet) away from thassen. Yousa haven to figure out some way of getten der lemons from der tree to der house, without putten one toe outside. Usen der force issen cheaten, but yousa can usen anyting else yousa find inside der house, okeyday? Big Brother issen always watchen, so mesa better noah catchen yousa cheaten!

Der prize for winnen thissen challenge: yousa ignoren one vote against yousa in thissen voten-offen, and yousa get to keep all der lemons dat everyone collects. Yousa will finden a use for themsa, mesa sure. Beginnen now!

Padmé: My "Drinking Problem"

{Padmé regains consciousness and finds herself on the couch in Typho, Jon & Fluke’s room. The cameras are standing by... Fade in from commercial in 3, 2, 1...}

I walk over to the bar where Captain Typho was sitting.

“What’s going on?” I ask, rubbing my neck. It’s so stiff, I really need a massage. Wait... my neck...

The memories come flooding back. A fight with Noel. Ranaé breaking it up with some kinda neck pinch.

“There was, um, an incident,” Typho answers.

“Ugh, I totally remember now. Is everyone OK?”

“Well you bit Oneida’s hand pretty hard. Since when do you bite?”

“I didn’t mean to bite her. I didn’t even know who I was biting. I mean, there were, like, cameramen all over. It just, like, sorta happened. I had to defend myself.”

“Senator Amidala, with all due respect, I’d like to ask you a personal question.”

I raise my eyebrow at Typho warily. “Yes, Captain?”

“Were you drinking a lot this afternoon?”

I stand there, frozen. I am aware of the many cameras circling the room. “Uh, well, like, no, not a lot. What are you, like, trying to say?”

“Senator, I am just a little concerned about how much you’ve been enjoying the Jose Cuervo lately. I know you are under a lot of stress with the war. But you must realize that this reality show will be aired across the galaxy. You have a reputation to uphold.”

My eyes dart back and forth from the camera to Typho to the door. There’s no way out of this.

What I’m thinking: “How dare you insult me in front of the cameras!”

What I say (with a touch of sarcasm): “Thank you for your concern, Captain. What happened today was totally, like, embarrassing, but I don’t think I was completely at fault. And I certainly wasn’t drinking too much. I can, like, handle my liquor very well, ya know.”

I can’t believe he thinks I’m a drunk! Yes, I am totally under a lot of stress. My husb- I mean, a lot of people who are really important to me are out fighting this crazy war and I’m stuck in this house trying really hard to, like, win a million credits. I need to relax and clear my head sometimes!

Ya know, we need some new codes for this Big Brother house. Like when I totally don’t want to discuss something in front of the cameras, I can say something like, “I’m in a flank two position.” I’m going to have a little talk with Typho later.

Next day:

Well, it’s all worked out! Typho and I had a “discussion” about what is and is not appropriate to say in front of cameramen. (Then he “volunteered” to help finish my section of my room.) Noel and I made peace and I apologized to Oneida about her hand. So, it’s all, like, cool again! I wonder what our next challenge will be?

Jon: Anyone see Sniffy?

It was a quiet moment in the halls of Big Brother: Naboo. I wasn’t sure where my trusty canine companion was, though. As I was looking, General Grievous angrily stalked up to me.

“Do you know, cough, what your dog just did?” he demanded.


“Your miserable mutt just ruined my best Sunday-go-to-meeting cloak!” he growled, holding up the soiled garment. “If I were you, cough, I wouldn’t call her Sniffy, I’d call her Puddles!”

“Oh come on,” I answered. “You’ve never gone to a meeting on a Sunday in your life. What do you need that fancy cape for?”

“Ngrrrr! For slaying Jedi, fool!” answered the deranged cyborg. “And your dog whizzed all over it! Cough cough!”

“Well gee,” I answered. “Why don’t you just take it to the laundry room and throw it in the washing machine? There’s some good detergent down there that’ll work wonders on it.”

Grievous stormed off, grumbling something about slaying Jedi. I allowed myself a quiet chuckle. Yep, I have a pretty smart dog.

I walked into the living room and I saw Yoda sitting on the couch meditating.

“Hey, Yoda, have you seen Sniffy?”

“Zzz, snxx, hmmpt, huh what? Interrupted my meditation, you have. Very deep in thought I was!”

“Right,” I answered. “Have you seen Sniffy?”

“Seen Sniffy I have not,” the Jedi Master replied. “Good this is, for sniffing my ears she likes to do. Tickles this does.”

“Yeah, pretty cute, huh? She’s such a smart dog.”

“Cute I would not call it. Very annoying this –”

“OK Yoda, gotta go!” I jogged out of the room and saw Noel in the hallway. “Hey, Noel, have you seen my dog?”

“I’m sorry, Jon, I haven’t,” she replied. She looked around, then stepped a little closer to me. “I’m afraid to admit that I’ve been keeping my distance from her. I’m more of a cat person, you know.”

“I kind of figured that,” I answered. “Don’t worry, though. I think Sniffy really likes you.”

“Really? Oh, that’s sweet.”

JawaJuice walked up to us and mumbled something through his hood.

“What did you say?” I asked.

JawaJuice tried to tell me again, but I couldn’t understand the high-pitched rapid fire noises that he was making.

“Could you repeat that one more time?” I asked.

JJ rolled his eyes; at least I think that he did. He pulled my arm and pointed out the window.

Aww, there she is. She’s sitting on top of her dog house.

Voten-Offen 2

Okeyday, "guests" mesa hassen recieven votes from most of yousa and a lot of oursa viewers as well (tanken yousa all, by der way), and yousa time issen now up. Der second person to be evicten from der Big Brother: Naboo house will be...

Scrollen down...

Jabafatboy; yousa aresa der weakest link: goodbye!
And to der rest of oursa prisone- er... guests, mesa will see yousa tomorrow. Viewers, rememberen to tune in for der next exciten episode of Big Brother: Naboo!

Making up for what I did.

I wanted to apologize to Padme, and make up for what I did. I had no reason for doing what I did to her, no reason at all. I was just tired and crabby, that's all.

So first of all I'm going to fix up her section of the room, myself. She can spend her days in JJ's and Obi's beach resort room or at the bar in Typho's, Fluke's, and Jon's room. I however recommend not going near Grievous's, Yoda's, and Jaba's room.... pretty scary. She will not have to do anything. Actually I recommend staying out while I'm working on it. I tend to work better and faster when I am alone.

Also to make it up to her, I got her some more Margarita mix. Also I was thinking since she likes shopping A LOT, I would give her a shopping spree in the mall on Sky City. And maybe a day at the spa.... once we are out of the house.

I also made a few call and I tracked down that sales person who was selling that painting Padme wanted so bad. It took some negotiating but I got it and for 400 credits (this included shipping across the galaxy). Not a bad deal if I say so myself.

Very nice painting it too.

Well I hope she can forgive me.... I don't want to make any enemies, just friends.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Yoda: Wait!!!!

That I would post today, I told the producers! Doofuses! Old I am! How you would treat your grandfather is this! Hmph!

And know what Jabafatboy was talking about I do not. On something he must be. Maybe hooked on Phonics, he is. A problem among the Hutts, that is. A blood test we should make him take. Probably show up positive for Phonics, his blood will.

No sense of style, either of those doofuses have. To paint everything Gun Metal Grey, Grievous wanted. The ceilings, floor, Jabafatboy's pig, everything he wanted to paint that color.

"You ain't touching Runt," Jabafatboy said, "You want to mess with him, you're gonna have to get through me first!"

His four lightsabers, Grievous took out. "I don't cough have a problem with that."

"'Course," Jabafatboy said, "he could probably use a paint job."

Still, his own ideas about what the room should look like, Jabafatboy had. "I think we oughta put up some deer heads, gun racks, hat racks for my hunerd and one caps, some of that there wood panelin', ... and oh yeah, some art. We gotta put some art up on them walls."

"Know that art you appreciate, I did not," I said.

"Oh yeah, I love paintins, especially paintins on velvet. I got about six different velvet paintins of Elvis hangin' up in the double-wide. Oh, and that there paintin' with the Wookiees playin' poker. We gotta get that paintin'. It cracks me up every time I see it! Ha ha! I'm crackin' up just thinkin' about it! Ha ha ha snort ha!"

"That's just cough stupid!" Grievous said, "I'm painting everything. I don't care what you bozos say."

"Paint everything grey you will not!" I told him, "A sense of style neither of you have!"

"Ok, Mr. Big-Shot-Decoratiner! Whatta you think we should do? I can't wait to see what the midget monkey wants to do!" Jabafatboy said.

"A Dolly Parton theme we should have! Very stylish Dolly is!"

"No, cough seriously," Grievous said, "what do you think we should do?"

"What I think that is. What? Too stylish for you hosers, that is!"

Only worse, the argument got from there. Dolly, Jabafatboy insulted. Very angry that made me! Then, Jabafatboy's pig Grievous insulted. Later, that Grievous' mother was a Wookiee, I insinuated. In a slap fight, the three of us found ourselves. Tell you let me, an unfair advantage in a slap fight, Grievous has.

Finally, down to work we got. Very little time we had left since so long the fight took. Since agree on a theme we could not, to do all three we decided. Concerned I was because some minor construction we had to do. Know if any construction skills, any of us had, I did not.

"Well," Grievous said, "I am pretty handy around cough the house."

"Go go, Grievous screwdriver! No! cough I meant 'go go Grievous Phillip's Head screwdriver'! Drats! I always make that mistake!"

Completely bad this experience was not. Some I fun I did have.

"Hey, Yoda, you seen the paint? Yoda? Where is he?"

Hee hee hee hee!


Time's Up

Okeyday, yousa hassen all finishen? No? Too bad. Okeyday, oursa expert panel of judges hassen been observen yousa closely. Theirsa verdict...

Obi-Wan and Jawajuice: Der redecorators aresa berry impressed (despite der boxing ring). Theysa could noah do better themselves, and theysa would have used ten times as many credits and charged yousa for twenty times as many.

Padme, Noel, and Oneida: Theysa tinken thissen room issen okeyday, but itsa looken unfinished, somehow. Maybe itsa Padme's corner. Issen kinda bare...

Typho, Fluke, and Jon: Itsa looky pretty good... until one of der hidden control panels sparked and fried one of der judges. Den theysa got mad.

Yoda, Grievous, and Jabafatboy: Hmm. Mesa noah tinken itsa supposed to look like dat.

Yoda and Padme can finish theirsa work in theirsa own time if theysa wanten. For now, issen time to announce der winner: der judges agree unamanimanously in favour of Obi-Wan and Jawajuice! Theirsa prize: a new TV and game station for theirsa room, and partial protection from thissen week's vote-off.

And, speaken of der voten-offen, issen time to start! Contestants can e-mailen mesa, and oursa viewers can also vote, usen der poll below. Der loser will be announcen on Sunday.

Whosa should be voten off?
Jawa Juice

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Yer Not Gonna Believe This!

( Ok Uncle Skeeter, I'll give it a try. NO , I dont think they are gonna buy it. I know the truth sounds lame ! Gotta hang up now , they are all commin over , I'll call ya later )

Well guys it all started with General G wantin ta go to this particular area of the market set up out there. Yoda had other Idea's , an me bein the diplomat that I am , I tried ta get both of them ta think about workin together.

But they were not havin any of it. Grievous had his eye on this Borg hook up unit, and All yoda could see was a wall size Poster of Dolly.

I went around lookin fer paint that was just the right shade of Green.

Ya know the color, they used ta paint them funny lookin earth speeders with it back in the 21st Century.

Called it " JOHN DEERE GREEN ".

Well It took me awhile but I was able to locate some of the color I wanted.

Grievous had the Oversized soda can already loaded on the backs of some of the workers and was headed back.

I looked over at Yoda and I realized he was about ta blow his top. MAN, he was hot.

I dont think I have ever seen him this Revved up.

Dolly poster is lame , you are thinking !

Live in a Can , I DO NOT !

WHAT, " Cough" " Cough " I dont live in a can you little Mensa Midget!!

OH ! Maybe Coffee Perculator, it is then !!


Well you know me, I was looking for a way ta keep these two apart.

But before I could get away from the vendor, they were locked in a battle.

People were running and screaming in every direction.

There were sections of the market that were being completely destroyed , light sabers flying wild. Paint being strewn all over the place. Cloth scattered from one end of the market to the other.

Thats when I heard the noise:

OH MAN , This is gonna be bad, somebody has called the Naboo special forces.

It looked like they were in full force.

I just knew my Room mates were gonna be hauled away.

Disqualified: Fer sure

Well with the help of Typho and Jon , I was able ta talk the troops into letting the situation slide this time. Grievious was covered in green paint.

Yoda was Hoppin Mad, Sittin Sulkin about the whole situation.

And we were almost outta time.

Thats the real story about why our room turned out the way it did.

I tell ya , bein the peace lovin feller that I am , I am a little afraid ta go ta sleep tonight.

Aint no tellin what these two might do when I aint lookin.

( Hello uncle Skeeter. Ya they all listened , I layed it out just the way you recommended. )

( No I really dont think any of them bought it. But it sure was a whole lot better soundin than just sayin we argued alot and ran outta time )

( Ya , them two are kinda mule headed. )

Obi-Wan: What could be funner...

After turnin our lil room into a tropical island, along with a whole lotta fruit-flavored booze, JJ (who repeatedly called me fat) had a few leftover credits to spend. We dain't know what we was going to do with em, so he let me go out an bring somethin back for the room. What's the worst that could happen?

I went to the street, lookin fer anything that might go with our new furniture. Anything that matches, right?

I was torn 'tween buyin a Cheeto bar and a giant Cheeto lava lamp. They's just so differn't, yet so much alike. The storeowner, Snuffy, was gettin' mighty annoyed, but he dain't understand I was takin my time. After all, I onlt had 'nough credits for one.

That was when she caught my eye. That moment, I knew she was just perfect.

I pointed. "Hey, how much's that thing cost?"

"Well a normal one'd charge for over a thousand, but since there'd been a number o' accidents involvin that thing, I'll give to ya for three hundred."

I beamed. "It's a deal."

Nice man - he gave me a cart so I could wheel it right home. I realized I still had a bunch of extra credits to spend. And we'll need all the decorations we can get. My eyes darted around for anything else that'd fit the room.

"Monkeys! Monkeys by the barrel!"

I turned 'round to where that voice was, and sure enough, some crazy ole lady was sellin barrels with monkeys inside 'em.

"Miss? How much a barrel?" I asked.

Her nose went up and down as she talked. "Forty eight for a barrel 'o six." I thought for a moment. Six monkeys was less than thirty, so I be payin more than one credit a monkey. That seemed 'bout right.

"I'll take six!" I hollered. I spent most of my remainin credits on the monkeys. There weren't much more I could buy with the credits I had left (them store owners kept yellin that to me when I asked) so I went straight home, pushin my cart while draggin all them barrels at one. I tell ya it ain't easy, but I got there just the same.

First thing I did was set 'er down it in the middle o' the room for all to see. I do say it matches the room quite nicely. Cain't wait till I show my wrasslin moves to JJ.

Now... where should I put them monkeys?

Grievous: D.I.Y. Disaster

So, we were given this challenge to redecorate our room, and of course I was sharing a room with the worst room mates possible, all the conflicting tastes would drive me crazy.

So we hired an artist for 50 credits to design the room that we wanted, we thought it was well worth it even with what he gave us in the end.
So with this in mind we set off to get our materials and found that all the cheap stuff had gone so we were forced to compromise and headed back to our room with the best stuff we could get.

“A whole Dolly poster we would have got, if carried me you would have Greivous.”

“Yo dude, sand would have been cool, but at least we stole, I mean bought, that paint brush.”

“Sell our furniture we didn’t need to, without bubble wrap for windows we could have done.”

And so it continued through out the renovations, and finally after having green paint tipped on me we ran out of money and materials and were left with the final result.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Oneida: Redecorating Hazards

Things had been going pretty slow all day. Padmé was ‘managing’ the project, which meant she told us what to do and tried to program R2 to do some work. I could have programmed that droid to make our room into Versailles if she’d given me 5 minutes, but she wouldn’t let me touch him, something about Anakin’s preferences. So Noel and I got to do most of the work, actually we did about 95% of the work.

I’ve dealt with Padmé before, I was her handmaiden; you can’t ask for much more abuse than that. I just went back to my policy of smile and nod unless she was about to do something that would cause injury to life or limb. Noel wasn’t quite so used to Padmé’s style of doing things. She’d been making comments all day about Padmé and well within the former Majesty’s hearing range.

As we were moving a bed, Noel and Padmé started snipping at each other. Then Padmé broke a nail. Well, that’ll take her out of action for a while. I was wondering if I could make puppy eyes at one of the guys in the house to get him to help out in Padmé’s place when I heard the volume go up on the argument. I stopped and looked at the two of them. Noel had some height on Padmé, and was not a dainty little flower, she looked like she could hold her own in a fight. But the Senator from Naboo can be surprisingly strong and resourceful in a fight. The trick is saying the right thing to piss Padmé off. They were in each others faces now, so I assumed Noel had found the magic words. And it turns out that which pisses off Noel is invasion of personal space. They were exchanging heated words.

I was starting to day dream about other things when Noel slapped Padmé. I stared, mouth agape, I mean, someone just slapped Padmé, and solidly. Padmé went for Noel’s hair, yanking it back, at which point Noel spun Padmé into a headlock. Twisting her way out, Padmé reached for the dresser, grabbed a tube of lipstick and threatened Noel. Unimpressed, Noel advanced on Padmé.

I heard the camera man speaking quickly into his comm link, telling the other camera men to hurry up and get into the room. I decided it was time to end this, both of these women have reputations to maintain, which won’t be helped by a ‘Wench, my man ain’t yo baby’s daddy’ style fight. As I moved to intercede, Vern, the camera operator grabbed my arm. “Don’t! This is a ratings platinum mine!” I pulled my arm free and headed over.

By this time they were wrestling on the mattress, each trying to get the upper hand. Hair and fur was flying everywhere, but so far no teeth had been lost. I reached in to pull Padmé off of Noel. “Bloody h*$@,” I yelped as I pulled my hand back. “This is a family show, remember,” Vern yelled. “But she bit me!!! And it’s bleeding, a lot!” I yelled, holding up my hand. That was it, time to use the Mon Calamari neck pinch. I planted my foot in Noel’s chest, pushed her off, subdued Padmé, then gave Noel a warning look to cease and desist. Padmé was slumped on the bed, snoring loudly. I pointed to the bathroom,“go clean up, now.” I looked down at Padmé, “I’ll take care of her,” I said, not looking at Noel. She just nodded and headed off to the bathroom. I leaned over, took Padmé’s arms, pulled her up, and managed to get her over my shoulder.

I walked down the hall to one of the other bedrooms and knocked. Typho opened the door, looked at Padmé, looked at my hand, looked at the camera men following us, then back at me. “Um, whatcha been up to?” he asked. “Not much, but I have a favor to ask. Deal with Padmé for me, just for several hours” I asked, but as I did, I started to roll her body off my shoulder and towards him. He caught her, and looked at me uncertainly. “You know your hand’s bleeding, right?” Fluke and Jon were now at the door, taking in the scene. I pointed at Padmé, “she bit me.” I gave them a quick smile, shut their door before they could protest, and walked back to our room.

By the time the contest was over, Noel and I were only two thirds done, but that section looked absolutely fabulous. Can you all guess who's section isn't quite done?

One part of the room (I'm sitting on my bed looking towards the door)

The unfinished part *coughPadme'sareaecough*

Noel: Cat fight.

All I'm going to say is that, Padme had it coming. It was about time someone put her in her place. Among us she isn't a Queen or a Senator, she is just a normal person. I'm sick of her acting all high and mighty, and it makes it even worse when nobody says anything. So I did. And she didn't like it all.

She had been bossing us around all day while she sat on the floor and played with that droid. A droid that Padme said we could use to help. But she couldn't figure out how to program it and she wouldn't even let Oneida near it. So the droid along with Padme were of no help.

I have had no sleep or a decent meal since the contest began. I was tired and just about fed up with Padme. So I had a reason to be snippy with her. I was well aware that Padme could hear the comments I was making.... that was the whole point. I mean come on, while Oneida and I worked, she was filing her nails. And at one point she told us to move this very heavy desk away from the window. And when we did, she decided she wanted it back by the window. It would have made anyone snap.

Then once it came to moving the bed Oneida and I had taken it apart so all we had to do was move it out of the room. I went over to Padme, who was playing with the droid again, and I simply asked her if she could help us with the bed. She sighed and rolled her eyed and said that she guessed so. She acted like she was working SOOOO hard. She did come over and started to help us, but then she started to whine about a broken nail. A BROKEN NAIL, come on, grow up. Just look at me, I have paint, plaster, and caulk caked in my fur and hair. I have saw dust in my joints. I think I even have a nail embedded in my foot but haven't had the time to take my shoe off and look.(for those of you who don't know me I have robotic like implants). And she had the nerve to whine about a simple broken nail.

I guess I made a comment that she didn't like and she blew up at me. And we started to argue. She was all like "But I'm so good at bossing people around", not her exact words but close enough. Then I was like "I can manage just fine on my own," then stated exactly what was on my mind. And she wasn't to happy about that, because she got right in my face. Which is something I really hate, especially when I'm busy doing stuff. I then asked her to move, and even said please. She refused, so I did the only thing I could think of.... I slapped her. What else was I to do when she said "Make Me", just stand there and smile like all the others do. She then grabbed my hair and pulled hard. The rest is kind of a blur for me.... I however do remember Padme attacking me with a LIPSTICK.

After about five minutes Oneida finally managed to get us a part. I have to admit, for as small she is, she is really strong. She told me to go clean up. I got up to the bathroom, this is when I realized the room was filled with camera men. One of them tried to follow me, but I gave him a look and told him I wanted some privacy.

As I was washing my face I realized what had just gone on, and I felt so bad. I didn't want to fight, I'm not like that. I just wanted Padme to help out more, that is all. I'll have to make it up to her some how. Maybe treat her to a shopping spree in my mall.... she will like that. I just hope there is no hard feeling after all this is done and over with. Otherwise I may be sleeping on the couch in the den, I think I may do that anyway.... just to be safe.

Well once I was done in the bath room I went back to the room. Oneida was tying to bandage up her hand. I went over to take a look.

"I didn't do that, did I," I asked.

"No, Padme did," said Oneida

"Really," I said as I helped her clean out the wound. "It don't look deep, just keep the bandage on it for a couple a days and it should heal up fine." I then put a bandage on it.

We got back to work on the room, but I fear we will not get done in time. At least with Padme gone, the work won't be as bad.

Padmé: Don't Make Me...

The cameras close in on the only female room in the Big Brother house. Noel and Oneida move furniture out while Padmé tinkers with R2D2.

“I know I can totally program R2 to build a new entertainment unit.”

“Beep, brt, whrp, wheeeeeee!”

“Shoot! If only Anakin where here...”

Noel comes over to me. “Padmé, can you give us hand with this bed frame?”

“Well, um, I guess so.” My roommates had been hinting all day that I hadn’t been doing my share of the work. Like, planning out the whole design of the room isn’t doing anything? K, so maybe I’m not hammering or sewing or moving things, but I’ve let them use R2 to do a lot of that.

I followed Noel over to where she and Oneida were taking apart the bed. We had to get everything out of the room so we could install the new flooring.

I took one side of the bed and we lifted it. It didn’t fit through the door very well, so we had to twist it to the side and shimmy it back and forth.

“Oooooowwwwwww!” I yelled.

“What? Are you OK?” Noel asked.

“Well, I, like, totally broke a nail! And I scratched my hand! Ya know, my body is still recovering from, like, the Battle of Geonosis – I don’t need more injuries!”

The cameras zoom in close to Padmé’s face.

“Eww, get away from me! God, just, like, give me some space, K?” I turned to Oneida and Noel. “Listen, I really think I should totally stick to managing this project. I’m a Senator, that’s what I do best.”

“You’re nobody’s Senator in this house,” Noel muttered.

That was the last straw. I had been ignoring her “comments” all day, but I just couldn’t let her keep talking to me that way.

“What is your problem?”

“Padmé, you’re not doing much of anything to help out with this challenge. You’re just giving us orders.”

“Duh. Like, who else is going to take charge and organize things?”

“I can manage just fine on my own. We’re way behind everyone else because of you. If you would just lift one of your nicely manicured fingers...” her voice trailed off. She looked uncomfortable with confrontation, but I certainly wasn’t.

“How dare you!” I got right in her face. (Sometimes, you just have to intimidate people a little bit. I learned that when I was Queen.)

Her jaw set and she got a very determined look on her face. “Get out of my face. Please.

“Make me.” I said.

Then do you know what she had the nerve to do? She slapped me! She totally slapped me in the face. I grabbed her hair and pulled her head back.

“You better watch it, girlfriend! I am trained to-“ But suddenly she had me in a headlock. I struggled against her and got loose, leaping over to the dresser to grab the closest weapon I could find...

“Don’t make me use this lipstick!”

J.J.: My Island Escape

From the moment Jar Jar made the announcement as to what the challenge would be, I knew instantly what we should do.

I conferred with Obi-Wan who agreed emphatically. (Don’t tell him I used that word, though. He still thinks it means that he’s fat or somethin’.)

We also agreed that I would be the one to purchase the materials, since the chances of him blowing our allowance on Cheetos and beer were pretty high.

I was like a tiny dervish racing from store to store. I picked up some tropical plants, some hammocks, a few heat lamps…I already had the sand…

I then had to stop off at the paint store and pick me up some of that new holographic paint. Unfortunately, that stuff ain’t cheep.

Snuffy McStoreowner: That’ll be 25,000 credits…per can o’ paint.

Me: Zoinks!!!

I was half expecting this. But I am a jawa after all, and my powers of haggling are unmatched in the universe. I cracked my knuckles, stretched my neck, and took a few deep breaths. It was time to go into action.

15 minutes later…

Snuffy McStoreowner: Okay, that’s 10 cans of holographic paint, 2 brushes, a tropical wet bar, 10 cases of tequila, 8 cases of rum, 14 cases of tropical fruit mix, 2 blenders, an ice maker, 2 dozen hurricane glasses, and eight large beach towels for 5 credits and that’s my final offer!!!

Me: I’ll take it.

With booty in tow, I raced back to the Big Brother house to get to work. Obi-Wan was busy installing the tropical wet bar while I got to work slapping on the holographic paint.

In no time at all we had finished our room…and it was rockin’!!!

The other guests were amazed when they came into our room.

Yup. It’s just like being on your own private island sanctuary. Life doesn’t get any better than this.

Obs then asked for the remaining credits to grab a few last minute items he wanted to “add” to our room. I was a little leery, but it’s his room too, so I tossed him the credits and crossed my fingers. What’s the worse that could happen, right?

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Jon: Oh yeah...

Can't forget about Sniffy the Dog.

Jon: The totally awesome bachelor pad, we gotta put in this cool stuff!

Yeah, so Typho and Fluke and I totally had great ideas for our room. We were going to make it look awesome, and we got some great stuff from the Evil Mastermind Discount Closeout Emporium. So first thing's first, let's get that stuff into the room.

Oh wait, first, we have to make sure that we have all the right tools.

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OK, I have the nailgun attachment connected to my Wristcomm. With this I can totally nail pictures and stuff onto the wall!

OK, so I get to work on this one corner. We'll just get a couch here and a picture of the Hulk and stuff.

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Yeah, that looks great. Look at that, we have a great place to chill. See, there's me on the couch and Fluke by the coffee table. I think that his mom gave him that sweater. That must be Oneida on the bed back there. She came to check out the swinging bachelor pad. Of course, Typho is taking the pictures.

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Oh no! A giant fire monster is stomping around downtown New Naboo! (For demonstration purposes only, this is not really happening)

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I'll just pull that secret switch on the mantle.

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And the secret headquarters computer equipment slides out of their hiding spots.

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Ulp! Well, now I can see why the stuff came from the discount store. I'll just have to do a little repair work here and this side of the room will be all set.

Typho: Home Improvement

The Bachelor Pad
The Bachelor Pad
Originally uploaded by Captain Typho.
When I first heard Jar Jar describe this week’s challenge I wasn’t too sure how to approach the task. Decorating isn’t my thing, and knowing Padmé, it seemed that her trio would have the advantage.

However, once Fluke, Jon and I put our heads together, a plan started to emerge -- we were going to make the ultimate bachelor pad, with each guy adding his own touch.

There was a small problem with each guy’s definition of what constituted a “bachelor pad,” however.

Fluke: We have to have a gaming system. We need an XboX720! And a 54" flat screen holovid. And a bar.

Me: Yeah, a bar’s a must. I can get with the huge holovid, but the games--

Jon: I’m thinking quasi-military with a splash of Spiderman.

Fluke and I exchanged glances.

Me: Say what?

Jon: It would be cool to have furniture that turns into computers. You know, like in Spiderman and His Amazing Friends?

Jon’s a cool roommate, but he’s like an overgrown teenager at times.

Me: Uh, sure Jon, sure. I’m thinking kick-ass sound system, mood lighting, mirrored ceiling and shag rug.

They were giving me weird looks.

Me: What?

Fluke: Uh, never mind. You two make up your lists and I’ll get the stuff.



Fluke’s definitely a great negotiator. The amount of stuff he got for 600 credits was amazing. Still, we had to scale back a bit. There weren’t enough mirrors to do the entire ceiling, not to mention the fact that I broke a few of ‘em. I ended up putting the panels that were left on one of the walls and that worked out pretty well.

I worked with the guys to mount the holovid to the wall and set up the bar. After that there was the tedious job of assembling all of the electronic equipment and moving all of the new sofas and chairs.

The guys are fighting with me over the rug. I’ll concede that if we forego the Spiderman wallpaper. It’s a bit much. As a compromise, I suggested putting up a single Spiderman poster, but I may be overruled.

I’m going to take a break now and hit the bar. Just to test that everything is working, of course.

Jon is going to take the lead on installing the superhero crime fighter stuff, whatever that is.

I hope he knows what he’s doing...

Starbucker: and so it begins...

The renovation of the century. We figured out what would be our dream room if the house were our own... since we each are in the running to own it afterwards anyhoo.

It seems both Typho and Jon have some grand ideas about the room... but me, not so much... I guess I don't really care how it ends up... as long as there's like, a wide-area hologram projection media center with a gaming station and a wet bar.

"Hey guys... you both have some really great ideas there... and they seems to mesh with mine - and each other's... why don't you like, jot down the necessities on this here notepad, and I'll go do the thrift shopping to try to get as muchy of it as possible, while you two work out the details. We've gotta start moving if we want to complete our renovations by the week's end."

while they were jostling over the pen to write crap down, I noticed a commotion out the window... I think Jon and Typho mumbled something to each other, but I couldn't make out just what they were saying...

TYPHO: finishing up his part of the list, and handing it to Jon "Jon?... do you think Fluke can get all this stuff for just $600 credits? Maybe we should prioritize it just in case."

JON: "Maybe... On second thought... Nah, let's not. It would just confuse him." Jon then put a 1 beside each of the items he had added

FLUKE: "Hey look at this... Padme's already out there blowing wads of cash on... wha- it looks like clothes or something - out there... "

We then actually all rolled our eyes in unison. Man! These guys are the best roommates!

So, I took the completed list and began out the door, when Typo spoke,
"HEy, Fluke... do good. Remember, you only have 600 cred to work with. If you have to sacrifice anything to keep it in budget - make sure it's NOT the shag carpet."

I turned to look at him... and the look on his face was serious...

So, then Jon chimed in: "No, way, man. If there is anything that HAS to be got, it the Spiderman crime lab wallpaper."

FLUKE: "Look, I'm gonna get all I can... even if I can't score everything you guys put down here, we've got major construction skills to work with, and a keen sense of... of... uh... well, uh... ok, my mind went blank. I'd better go get this stuff before I... uh..."

...and I was out the door.

As I walked out to the oasis of street vendors and bargain-bin trucks and ships that had come to Naboo just for this event, I looked over the list of items... sheesh, this is a bunch of cool stuff, I thought to myself... what great roommates!

I knew I had to be discerning in which vendor to go to first...

So, I approached the first one I saw...

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"Well, Haaaow-deee" he said, with a voice that sounded more like a yodel than anything else, "Haney's the name, tradin's the game. What can I do ya for, yung feller?"

FLUKE: "Well, I need to gather all of the items on this list."

HANEY: "Hooo-Wee! That's a list, alrite!"

FLUKE: "Yes, that's why I called it that. Do you have any of these items?"

Free Image Hosting - www.supload.com HANEY: "Maybe...say! What's yor name, feller?"

FLUKE: "Uh... I hardly see where that matters... I'm Fluke. Do you have anything from this list?"

HANEY: "YOU'VE cometotheright PLACE, my boy! Let me see here..."

He turned and started digging in the back of his shuttle...

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...and mumbling

HANEY: "We gots a lots of this here 'listed' stuff you needs...

...right'chere... yep... riiii-chere.

Here y'ar."

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FLUKE: "Uh... wha-? That's not on the list."

HANEY: "Shore it is! This here's a genuwine, artifishal, arthentic, one-of a kind moisture vaporatur... direct from Foley's."

FLUKE: "Nuh-uh. That's a harp."

HANEY: "Oh... so that's how you play, eh? well, you're just as thoughty as a bluebird flying over a tumbled down yellow barn, aren't ya? OK, then, how's about this here?

FLUKE: "What? An abstract painting of a cow? I don;t think so."

HANEY: "This?"

FLUKE: "A plucked chicken?"

Then a voice off camera called out to me... getting my attention: "Hey, you can't trust him! His voice never made it through puberty!"

FLUKE: "Who are you?"

JOE: "Joe, Joe Isuzu."

HANEY: "Oh, for pete's... Joe, every time I see you, it reminds me of a speckled hen sitting under a little green wagon."

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FLUKE: "Hiya Joe, say... I'm out here shopping and uh... do you have any of this stuff on this list?"

JOE: "Oh, YES! I have all of that. In multiple designer colors. And a wide variety of sizes. And most of it is so advanced, it's self installing! And cheap. Not the quality, just the price."

FLUKE: "Really?"

Free Image Hosting - www.supload.com JOE: "Oh, YES! Just come over here and sign this."

FLUKE: "Wait, uh... why do I have to sign anything?"

JOE: "Well, so that.......I .....can......give it to you for FREE!"

FLUKE: "OMG! You're kidding? Even the Spidey wallpaper? Oh, YES! Where is it all?"

HANEY: "He ain't got none of that stuff, son! He ain't even a salesman."

I turn around to ask Joe, but he's gone. Crap! Where'd he go? Man, I was this close... THIS CLOSE!"

HANEY: "Awwww, don't worry about him son, look - Is THIS the type of wallpaper you need?" and he whips the right kind out of his truck!

FLUKE: "Uh, well yeah... but, uh, that's not how I pictured it. Do you think that's really what Jon wanted? Should it look like that?"

HANEY: "Son, are you some sort of interior design guru?" I shake my head, "No"... "Then YES, This is EXACTLY how it's supposed to look. Listen, I know it can be overwhelming, but learning to like wallpaper is like pushing a purple straw hat through a keyhole."

I waited on him to finish... but apparently he had.

Amazingly, he was able to produce every last thing off of his truck, including, three genuine faux Ronto leather recliners, an XboX720, some deep blue shag carpet (new), a photoionic blaster cannon, mirrors for the walls and ceiling, some misc. military stuff, and a full service wet bar, complete with couplings... and some other stuff... and all for just under 600 credits.

I thanked him, to which he said,
"You're more welcome than a little red wagon going up a steep hill." and we parted ways.

Then someone else calle dout to me,
"Hey, do you have the right tools for the job? Are they powerful enough, hu-hu-hu-hu, huh?"

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FLUKE: "Uh, yeah, I got it bud. Thanks, but no thanks."

Man, the guys are gonna be so stoked!

Starbucker Out

Noel: Watching the Budget.

Redecorating... This should be fun, or so I thought.

Oneida was right, I was a little annoyed. I should have been in charge of this project, not Padme. I'm the one with great money sense and can buy a lot with a little money ( just look at the resort). I know how to find bargains and deals. But Nooooooo Padme had to take charge.

Padme wants us to change everything. Me.... All I was thinking was painting. Change the bed coverings, and the curtains. Maybe buy some nice art work, and if we had money left over redo the floor (hard wood does sound nice). But Padme she wants it all. She wants new paint, trim, bed coverings, curtains, floor, furniture, rugs, art work (EVERYTHING).

I tried to talk to her, tried to get her to put some stuff down but she would not listen. She wants to do it her way and that is expensive. I did convince her to let me pay for the stuff she bought... That way I can bargain down a little...... Hey who can refuse a free trip to anywhere in my resort.

So while Padme ran around buying stuff, Oneida helped her carry the stuff, and I payed for it. I was doing a great job too. Getting stuff half off, for trips to the day spa for their wife or loved one, Free drinks at the Night Club, Free dinner, ect. However, even with all this dealing, we were getting very close to our limit. I was just about to tell Padme that the money was almost gone when I heard someone call out my name. I turned around and seen Scott. Scott did a lot of work on the resort for me. And I think he had a thing for me too. Maybe I can get some stuff from him cheap.... if I just flirted alittle.

"Hey Noel, what are you doing here." He asked.

"What does it look like." Giving him a small smile "I'm trying to keep us under budget."

"I see that, what I meant what are you doing in the show."

"I needed a vacation." I said, smiling even bigger.

"A vacation? Why would you need that."

"Well...." I didn't have time to answer because the girls came over and interrupted me.

"Hey Noel, how are we doing for money." asked Oneida under a pile of fabric.

"Yeah I like seen this totally awesome piece of art work and have to have it." Said Padme.

"I ummm, well to be totally honest we are running low." I said.

"WHAT... But that painting like totally goes with with the paint." She said holding up a paint can "and it even matches the bed sheet, I like HAVE to have that painting. And what about the trim and like, we need rugs..... how can we be out of money already. I thought you were like, getting deals."

"Well Padme....." I started to say, but Scott interrupted me.

"Hey you girls still need stuff." He asked he said looking at us.

"Yeah, what do you have?" Asked Padme.

"Well for you." He smiled. "ANYTHING."

"Anything?" She asked her eyes brightening.

"Anything," He said, leaning in close to us. "I can get you anything you need, for dirt cheap, Actually all I want is a free week stay at Noel's Resort, and maybe dinner with her." He said pointing at me.

The girls looked at me, surprised. "I.... uhhhhh.... I don't know." I stammered, completely shocked myself. I didn't think he would ask me out.

"Come on Noel, it is for a good cause." Oneida said.

"PLEASE, Noel do this for us" Padme pleaded.

Okay... You win." I cried "But only if we get everything else we need from him", And no painting." I said looking at Padme.

"Fine." said Padme "You got a deal." She seemed disappointed though.

So in the end we have all the stuff we need. I don't want to ruin the surprise, so I'm not telling anyone what we all got.

I just hope the girls are happy. I gave away a lot to keep us under the budget. I think I may lose a lot of money doing this..... But it is for a good cause..... Plus money means nothing to me personally..... Unlike some people I know.

And dinner with Scott won't be all that bad. He is nice and really cute. And... Well I got to get back to work.... Padme better help and stop asking question about him.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Oneida: Redecorating Start

Redecorating, hmm, really not my strength. I live on a big gray star ship that has gray walls and gray floors, and most everything is made out of metal in varying shades of, you guessed it, gray. Colored buttons on the control panels add a splash of color here and there, but it’s all very gray.

I looked over at Noel to say something, but Padmé was making a bee line for the door. Noel and I both tried to keep her from doing something, actually, from doing anything. We needed a plan, a theme to work around. Padmé proceeded to drag us out the door. We reminded her that she did have a budget, and I *think* she paid attention to that, maybe.

Standing outside, we watched Padmé descend upon the designers and their items. Noel looked a little annoyed, and after a minute, made a move to go over and try to get between Padmé and her shopping. I caught her arm. “Trust me, you don’t want to do that.” “Do what? I was just going to go try and talk to her about what we’re doing, try to get her to put some stuff down.” I looked back at Padmé, who was starting to disappear under a heap of stuff. “For your personal safety, I’d recommend that you don’t try to touch anything she’s holding. She is much stronger than she appears, and is, umm, very territorial,” I warned. Noel looked a bit unconvinced and headed over to where Padmé was going through some items.

I stood back and did what I always did best, stay out of the way and hold things. This task is going to be a lot of work. At least Noel doesn’t look like she has any problems with hard work. The question is will she be able to deal with Padmé’s interpretation of working.

Padme: We OWN This Challenge!

As soon as Jar Jar said the word “redecorate,” I was on my way out to the yard. I was actually, like, doing a little dance and singing “Oh yeah, oh yeah, ohyeah ohyeah ohyeah!”

We are going to totally rock on this challenge.

As I rushed out to see what the redecorators had to offer, Noel and Oneida caught me by the arm.

“Shouldn’t we consult a little on this first?” asked Noel.

“Consult?” I said continuing to walk, dragging them along with me. “Why? It’s like so totally obvious that I should be managing this project. Listen, if I know anything, it’s decorating and fashion. I mean, I’ve only been thinking about totally redecorating every room in this house since, like, the minute I walked in and I have, like, SO many totally awesome ideas, like the color, ohmyGod, the color totally needs to be changed completely and the window treatments, I mean – gag! – and how about that armoire that’s like a thousand years old and that weird entertainment/shelving unit, like, that stuff totally has to—“

{Padme spies something out of the corner of her eye and turns abruptly to feel some fabric.}

“I’ll take 3 yards of this!”

“PADME! Budget!” Oneida yelled.

“K, like 2 yards then.” I turned back to Noel. “And the carpet, ya know, a nice wood floor would look sweet – can you guys install wood flooring? – we have to totally decide if we want some crown moulding or a chair rail and-“

“PADME!” Oneida yelled at me again!

I turned to glare at her. “WHAT?”

“Calm down, please. I know you are excited, but we have to talk about this a little. We only have 600 credits.”

Well, I guess my roommates are going to be spoil-sports, but I won’t let that ruin my fun.

We are SO going to totally ROCK on this challenge!

Challenge #2

Jar Jar: Welcomen one and all to oursa second Big Brother: Naboo challenge! Now, mesa hassen hearen one or two complaintses about der state of der rooms in der Big Brother house...

Padme: Like, duh! The wallpaper, like, totally clashes with the curtains.

Jar Jar: Yes, Senator Padme, mesa hear yousa... Anyway, now issen yousa chance to improven. If yousa looken out der window, yousa will see dat mesa hassen invited a band of Nubian redecorators to oursa house.

Jon: I don't know that I like where you're going with this...

Yoda: Redecorators I hate. Had them at my Dagobah holiday home before, I have. Useless they were.

Jawajuice: Uh, Jar Jar, are you sure those aren't Followers of Ol' Fluke in disguise? Because I had some bad experiences with them...

Fluke: No, they've found me!

Jar Jar: Be quiet, all of yousa! Der redecorators are only here to supplyen der materials. Yousa will be doin der renovations.

Captain Typho: Oh, not good.

Jar Jar: Each room will be given 600 credits to be dividen equally between der roommates to buy supplies from der redecorators in der yard. Yousa may leave der house in order to purchase yoursa equipment, but mesa noah want to catch yousa enjoyen der fresh air! Yousa will have until Friday to getten yoursa room's decor as good assen physically possible. Mesa will den getten der professionals outside to judge yoursa efforts. May der games beginnen!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Pet Auditions

I’ve always considered myself an animal person. Scotch was my first dog though, and now that she’s gone, my family and I are reluctant to replace her. We do want another dog, but we don't want to do it too soon and we want to be absolutely sure that the one we get is perfect for our family.

Because of this, I didn’t have a pet to bring to Big Brother: Naboo. Now that I’m here, however, I thought that maybe I could interview some potential pets to see if they’re the right one for me.

OK, rule number one: No Monkeyboys!

Rule number two would have to be no facehuggers.

I am going to have to pass on the cats. I wouldn't say that I'm allergic to them, but they do make me sneeze sometimes.

I'm going to have to skip on the hairless ones as well.

As well as the cat people.

I really don't want a dragon fish.

Or a monkfish.

I'll have to pass on that one as well.

...And this one...

I just can't picture myself owning a hippo. They take up so much room.

Hey! Who are you starin' at buddy?

Too stinky.

Too fiery.

Too quest for survivaly.

Too bizarre.

Too many heads!

I guess that I am going to have to pass on a pet. I just don't think I can find that animal that really suits who I am.

Wait a minute, what a good looking dog. She is obviously very smart, too.

I think I'll name her Sniffy.